How Not To Make A Child "your Parent"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Father and mother throw off obligations on children, and the connection is broken: parent - child.

The kid takes care of his mother as if she were weak, worries that she is tired, that there is no money. He is ready at the age of four to become an adult, to give in to his interests, saying: “I can do it”, “It's too expensive for me”.

The worst thing that can happen on this basis: the child will begin to hide his problems so as not to upset mom or dad, because they already have so many problems. He may not say that he was hit hard in the kindergarten, for example.

And parents “use” this moment, relieve themselves of responsibility for their child, they can even complain to him and tell him how difficult life is. This happens more often in

dysfunctional families (for example, when a child knows at the age of 5-7 how to get his father out of the binge).

in families where the mother is alone, after a divorce, she sits and complains to her baby about her father. And the child, in turn, becomes an emotional protection for her.

in families where parents often argue, the child is considered a link between these conflicts, through him information is transmitted to each other. Children have to take on the responsibility of an adult who solves these problems.

in families where it is customary to complain all the time. It seems that there is money, but still there is not enough of it, the weather is terrible, the work is terrible, they get sick often.

And if for seniors this is a habit, then for children there are two options for the development of events:

he becomes an adult;

he believes that this is all because of him, subconsciously feels guilty that his parents are so hard with him, as a result - the abandonment of his childhood.

It is very difficult for children who have such a habit to separate from their parents later, they cannot go further on an independent path, because they play the role of a parent for their own parents, they treat them like children.

Parents complain, children get involved in it. They would have built their own family, but they have too many responsibilities to their parents. Because of this, there may even be a pause in conception, because subconsciously a person wants a child, but why does he need a child if his mother is a child. Parents take advantage of this, choose the role of the victim, and until separation occurs, this will always be the case.

I have a client who is already well over forty, and these problems are still blooming and smelling. Nobody is immune from this.

If your child doesn't eat food without asking, "Is there enough for everyone?" or she says: “Mommy, we don’t have money for this!”, tries not to bother, does not even talk about his problems, does not share emotionally - this is a sign that you need to think about whether you have loaded your child with responsibility for another family member.

Here it is very important to say in time: “Thank you for your support, we will already cope on our own, and you just enjoy your childhood”.

It is normal, of course, when a child helps, but if he refuses childhood, it is worth thinking about it.