2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A person who is afraid of attachment and being rejected, abandoned may resort to unusual (or already familiar?) Psychological protection, isolating his mind from feelings.
He can also resort to this protection when the feeling is dangerous, carries the risk of destroying other, more significant, relationships.
This protection is characteristic to a greater extent for people with a tough Super-Ego (internal censor), who are used to setting high standards for themselves and keeping themselves in "iron fist" gloves.
From the story of one client:
“At work, I began to flirt with a colleague. However, every day the boundaries between us became more and more blurred. Once I accepted his offer to give me a lift home, he stopped not far from the house, in a birch grove, put his trembling palm on my knee. I felt with my whole body his excitement and was very worried herself. This man said that he was in love with me and had long fantasized about sex with me, that he would be happy if our desires coincided. That evening I had a panic attack for the first time. The next day I I didn’t come to work because I was tormented by nausea. The doctor said it was on a nervous basis. Everything was confused in my head: fantasies about having sex with my colleague, terrible thoughts about how my husband finds us, then he will find out about infidelity wife starting she calls me, accuse, shame, then catastrophic scenes of divorce, judging the eyes of children, etc. In general, I was forced to refuse that man, and soon changed my job altogether. I drove these feelings away from myself as best I could. Soon, feelings for a former colleague really dulled. However, I noticed that my feelings for everything around me were dulled too. If earlier sex with my husband brought pleasure, now it is not. Everything has become insipid and mundane, and this state does not go away for a long time. I do not suffer, there is no sadness, but there is no particular joy either. I feel like a robot, like a fire has died away inside. How can I regain my former activity and cheerfulness?"
Practice shows that an attempt to drown out some feelings in oneself, to forbid oneself to live them, can lead to the fact that the ability to feel in other areas is dulled.
Often there are rationalistic people who flaunt that they approach everything very soberly, relying more on reason and ignoring the sensual side - but this is outwardly.
You never know what a person has inside, and he himself is not completely familiar with his feelings and real motives, a very weak level of awareness. He always speaks as he should, avoiding what he really would like.
So, for example, a man brags to his friends that he married according to calculation and is glad, because now, even if the wife falls in love with someone else, it will not be so scary to lose her, it will be possible to survive. For him, not to feel means to be safe, no emotional dependence and feelings of loss.
Under the influence of such prohibitions, a person gradually comes to alexithymia.
As a rule, there are a lot of repressed feelings and traumatic experiences behind this alexithymia.
Consulting with a psychologist is a great opportunity to sublimate your need for new love experiences without risk by telling about them, fantasizing and living exciting memories, feelings and emotions associated with real or virtual relationships without losing joy in other areas of life.
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