2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Recently, I have been working a lot on the study of codependency and codependent relationships. Codependency is the scourge of our time. This is when someone puts their life, happiness, emotions, etc. depending on another person
Codependency is always dishonest and always manipulative. This is a relationship where one is the victim and the other is the aggressor. A relationship where the third often appears - the lifeguard. A relationship where everyone is constantly changing roles with each other.
Psychologists say that 98% of people in the world are somehow susceptible to codependent relationships. And the roots of this codependency are in our childhood.
It takes a long time to work with a codependent person to gain his independence. (I'm talking about individual therapy now). But the good news is that a positive result is possible.
Why work? Because codependent relationships NEVER bring happiness. No happiness, no joy, no satisfaction. But only manipulative games, endless anxiety, a sense of a vicious circle and hopelessness.
The path to real close trusting relationships and love is the path from codependency to independence, and then to interdependence. When "I feel good alone, but together it is still better."
Sometimes I am angry that many modern "spiritual" practices, trainings, master classes are aimed only at supporting and strengthening codependent relationships. To give a woman a crutch in the form of an illusion that if she behaves this way and that, be such and such, then she will definitely … GET POWER OVER HIS MAN. Yes Yes…
To think, and sincerely believe that "if I behave according to certain rules, my man will do everything I want and be what I imagine him to be" this means that I will have POWER over another person. And the second person becomes no longer a person, but just a puppet in the hands of a sweet, caring, correctly behaving woman.
“And I was there,” as the Italians said in the book “Eat, Pray, Love”. And when I saw how I was trying to swallow, to subdue, not to notice the person who was nearby, my hair on my head began to stir in horror. I hate to think that you can perceive your Partner only as a thing, as an object, as a tool for satisfying your own needs. Disgusting, sad, painful, sorry, sad … Do you know why disgusting? Because a codependent person is like a parasite sitting on another person. It is disgusting to be aware of yourself as a parasite. It is encouraging that this role can be changed.
Do you want a real, sincere, intimate relationship filled with love? Then do something about it!
The first step towards independence is realizing your codependency. And want to change that. For the sake of respect for another, for the sake of self-respect. In order to finally take responsibility for your life. In order to make an amazing, interesting path to Himself. To find your own Self, a path full of adventure.
Hero, must return home, where love awaits him.
and let all the bastards and * bitches perish
tired of long separation
the new hero must return home (c)
And remember, a codependent person is always trying to guide someone's behavior:
"Codependents tend to try to control other people. To do this, they mainly use power games, carried out" from above "or" from below. ", run away, yearn for revenge, cause a guilt complex, seduce, intimidate, issue ultimatums, pamper, whine, threaten to commit suicide, lecture, insult, try to please, look helpless, lock the door and do not let anyone in, make an impression, condemn, get drunk, kata by gender, never admit their mistakes,they leave, return, leave again, inadvertently drive a car, take drugs, overeat, work for many hours, do not get out of bed, tell people what to do and what not to do, analyze, deny, draw up projects, give rationalistic proposals, keep silent, close in a room - in general, they do whatever comes to mind in order to try to control someone's behavior. The purpose of any such act is the same - to lead another person."
Berry Winehold, Janey Winehold
"Liberation from codependency"
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