2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What associations arise when you hear the combination "free relationship"? Most likely, the first associations will be associated with the absence of external restrictions, burdensome obligations, or with a change in the established norms adopted in society.
For example, if it is customary to have one partner, then in an open relationship there can be much more of them. If it is customary to traditionally live together in one apartment, then freedom can be understood - to live wherever you want. Travel in any city, any country, separately.
There may be associations about the destruction of the stereotype: a man should earn money, and a woman should be the mistress of the house and raise children. From this point of view, an open relationship can violate established stereotypes in various ways: a woman earning money with small children, a man engaged in children and households, a couple who decided not to have children, a family with children not tied to a specific place of residence … Now such options are not uncommon. Looking at them, a reaction may even arise: "Wow, this is what they can afford."
As attractive as the variety of options is, it can remain only an external manifestation of freedom.
Unfortunately, there are stories about how the relationship becomes close, although the partner lives in another city or another country. Or how a relationship with several partners is not something that does not make a person's life easier, but complicates and even burdens. There are not uncommon stories of women who have chosen financial freedom and independence, who, with the advent of a child, begin to torment themselves with the choice whether to enjoy motherhood or devote all their strength to earning in order to remain free and independent.
Thus, external conditions may not affect internal sensations. If you look at freedom in relationships from the other side. What is this about?
About special bodily sensations, images and fantasies. It is also about actions that a person performs or, conversely, leaves incomplete.
In order to catch the thread coming from the inner state, one might ask the question: Do I have enough space in my current relationship? And to understand the answer, listen to your bodily sensations, images.
- Is it easy to breathe in a relationship?
- Is there any place left for the realization of abilities and talents in life?
- Don't you have to face an insoluble dilemma over and over again: to remain yourself or be on good terms with your partner? Pretend and keep silent about what is happening or allow yourself to talk about some painful and not always pleasant experiences?
- Do you manage to leave enough attention to yourself and your tasks, or because of the focus on constant conflicts, it is not enough for anything?
- What place does a partner occupy in the inner world? Isn't it overwhelming, too big in my fantasies?
Questions like these can reflect the degree of inner freedom associated with the relationship at the moment. They can also lead to her search.
It cannot be won only by external changes: global restructuring or cardinal changes in life, breaking stereotypes, furious defense of rights.
You need to learn to distinguish between the moves leading to a space where you can breathe, sit in silence, dream, comprehend, discover something, retire. And having a relationship is not at all a hindrance to this. With proper care and practice, this space can become enough over time.
It turns out that for more freedom in relationships, it is not at all necessary to chase after some unexpected forms. And this is definitely not a story about a fight with something or someone. Rather, it is about taking the keys to your inner world and going on a big trip to yourself, while learning to live next to your partner.
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