5 Languages of Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many of you may have read the book by Gary Chapman, The Five Languages of Love. Let's figure it out - who are they peculiar to, what people want, why is it generally needed, why is it so important to know such things and how to apply this knowledge in practice?

1. So, the first language of love is words of approval, support, gratitude (you are important to me, I appreciate you). In principle, this can be absolutely any dialogue - intellectual (often), conversation on common topics or interests. If you are characterized by this love language, you will no longer feel loved without feedback ("Oh! You did a great job! You're doing great!"). Accordingly, if you are sure that it is important for your partner to hear words of approval and support, try to give him feedback more often (“I noticed that you did it!”, “You washed the dishes, thank you!”). Even such an elementary phrase is very important for a person, and by default it will mean “I love you!”.

2. Gifts. There is a category of people for whom it is important to receive gifts (more often women and children, but sometimes there are also men who like gifts). This does not mean at all that you need to give a yacht, apartment, car or some other “crazy things”. In the context of this love language, it is more important for a person to receive gifts not for the holidays, not for some occasion, but just like that (the partner saw beautiful underwear, a shirt, etc. - he bought it). For a child, it can generally be a candy, a chocolate bar, a trinket, some kind of insignificant trinket. The gift itself is not important, attention is important. However, if you choose a gift, taking into account the taste of a person, it will be a great step, and in response you will hear: "Oh God, how much you love me!"
3. Touches. People who are characterized by this love language love hugs, kisses, strokes, touches. As you walk past your partner, stroke their back or hair. If this is a woman, hug and kiss more often, accidentally touch. Let me give you an example from communication with clients. A girl, talking to a guy, asks him a question: "Is everything in order in our relationship?" In response, the partner comes up and hugs her. For him it is the language of love, by his actions he says: "Yes, I love you!".

4. Quality time spent together. For children, an hour a day with their parents is sometimes enough. So you can spend a day with mom, a day with dad, a day with grandma, etc. An important point is that the parent must be involved in the emotional life of his child (or partner). Relatively speaking, if your partner loves to consider the architecture of the Middle Ages in Italy, support him in this hobby (look at the pictures, ask questions - let him feel the interest of a loved one). You can watch a movie together (just watch, not sit on the phone), and then discuss interesting moments (What did you like? What scared? And how is this situation?), There should be emotional involvement. If your partner appreciates spending time together, pay more attention to this issue. Any couple needs to spend quality time together, but for someone 15 minutes is enough, and for someone a day is not enough. Observe your partner, evaluate your relationship from the outside, and figure out how long it will take you.
5. The fifth love language is help. In a couple, complaints often arise - “yes, he didn't even hammer in a nail,” “she doesn't know how to cook borscht”. Expressing such dissatisfaction, a person makes it clear that it is important for him that they cook borscht for him or, for example, wash the floors of the house (from the woman's side - hammer a nail, fasten something, repair a chair, a washing machine, pick up parcels, etc.) - that is how he feels loved. This can be help both around the house and with projects.

If your partner has this love language, try to do more for him.

Why is it important to know the languages of love? Quite often, partners quarrel out of the blue (for example, for one it was a gesture of love, and for another - "about nothing"). It is important to understand your love language (what is most important for you, what will be the greatest manifestation of love from a partner) and say what exactly you want to receive from your loved one (“I need this, this is how I feel loved or loved!”). Be sure to find out what kind of love language your partner has, and only in this way you will feel more or less integrity in a couple, understanding what you are doing for yourself and what is for him. Accordingly, a person close to you will be able to appreciate your efforts and labors, the time spent (perhaps, somewhere through force), so that he feels loved.

Train, communicate with your loved one, define your love languages and bring it all to life!