2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Author: Ilya Latypov Source: tumbalele.livejournal.com
I think this will not be a revelation: very many people find it hard to be someone else's success. When it is hard for another, it is much easier to sincerely sympathize with him. And I want to help and support as much as you can (and this is also a kind of art). But sincerely rejoicing in someone else's success, without facing envy and a sense of your own inferiority, especially in the area where you yourself are trying to achieve results, is much more difficult
And no matter how far we go, what matters is how far the other has run. Men / women today are not paying more attention to me? Immediately longing. Has anyone gotten more Facebook Likes under a post? Longing and envy. Someone happily talks about how well he did something, and people congratulate him? You, too, congratulate, smile - and the cats scratch their souls. And then some more people begin to shame themselves for not being able to sincerely rejoice for another.
I want to suggest a little thought experiment. Imagine yourself and another person as two balls of the same size. You are equal. You and this person have something in common that unites you. For example, you are colleagues. Or two women on the "search". Or are you brothers / sisters. Have you presented? Now imagine that the second person / the ball begins to grow and swell, because things are going well for him, and he begins to tell you about how he successfully implemented the project, earned money, found himself a woman / man - in general, he / it definitely happens something that you do not have (and would like to). What happens to your "inner ball"? Are you shrinking, shrinking, falling into yourself, or rolling away from this growing ball of your neighbor? If so, what do you feel at this moment, what experiences arise when someone else's balloon is inflated, and you are deflated?
Now imagine this picture: the other person inflates, but your "inner ball" remains the same size. Don't get bigger or shrink, just stay the same size you were. How do you feel in this case?
If you still can't “not cringe,” then strongly pronounced narcissistic traits in your character prevent you from doing it. In the narcissistic picture in this world there is only room for one person, and the success of one person and the failure of another person automatically means the deprivation of his right to exist. In a world that is more respectful to oneself, there is a place for everyone, and someone else's "fanning" does not in any way deprive me of my place. You are increasing, but I am not decreasing, and everything that I had “before” did not disappear and remained with me “after”. Likewise, other people who admire someone else do not push us out of their souls at all - we stay where we were, without shifting or shrinking. People are non-communicating vessels in a closed system, when if it has arrived somewhere, then somewhere it has necessarily disappeared. If somewhere love or recognition has arrived, then we do not diminish - neither love, nor recognition, nor respect.
And one more little experiment with balls. If you are tormented by fears about how you will be perceived, how they will appreciate, whether they will approve or not, imagine all these anxieties in yourself in the form of a very inflated ball of anxiety (especially since all these experiences are literally bursting with your chest, squeezing your breath). Bursting? Now, mentally take a small needle and carefully pierce this ball - it does not burst, but gradually deflates. Feel how this inflated ball is deflating and how gradually its walls merge with your skin, and you become equal to yourself, without trying to blow something out of yourself, sucking something different. What do you feel?
I love these experiments. They are not at all magical exercises that eliminate all negative experiences, but they allow you to remind yourself that I always remain equal to myself, regardless of what happens to other people.
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