2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It's no secret that at the beginning of any relationship, we all try to look our best in the eyes of the subject of our feelings. This behavior is understandable, we need to attract attention, evoke positive emotions and sympathy. This is necessary for the relationship to begin.
But the fact is that after that people start playing a game called "I will prove to you that I am good." Moreover, such proofs usually take a huge amount of time and effort. It happens so that people stop even building relationships themselves, noticing who is nearby, they only prove. In practice, these can be actions that are certainly approved, but not always appropriate. Or, alternatively, the person says and does what emphasizes his importance, with multiple repetitions.
The reasons for this behavior most likely come from childhood. A person has a strong belief that they will love him only when he is good. In other words, he must demonstrate and prove that he is worthy of love. In such conditions, a person often proves this first of all to himself, and then to the one who is nearby. In such situations, people, in fact, play an unusual social role. But the goal is one to gain approval. At the same time, the requirements for this approval can sometimes appear in a rather rude form.
Such behavior in the eyes of another may look like begging for love, and when asked for love, then most often it is not received. And over time, this pattern of behavior causes irritation and negative manifestations. And then, instead of stopping to prove and letting the other begin to recognize themselves, people begin to strengthen their evidence. This approach, in most cases, leads to a break in relations.
Our self-esteem is always subjective, and we cannot know exactly which of our qualities are most appealing to another person until he tells us about it. And this requires trust, which in turn is very difficult to build based on evidence. Life and relationships, this is not an exact science, where evidence is needed, belief in yourself (yourself) and sincerity are more important here.
Proving to another person that you are worthy of approval or love on his part is wasted work that leads only to emotional fatigue and burnout, and this is the path to apathy. It is much more useful, in my opinion, to turn your attention to your own state, because the better it is, the easier it is to build relationships. There is no fear of being rejected, and accordingly there is no need to prove anything.
Our state is determined by the attitude towards ourselves, towards the world and towards others, if you think that everything is in order in all these areas, then most likely you will really succeed in a lot, including building high-quality relationships.
Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.
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