2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Any person throughout his life is driven by any unmet needs, or rather, the desire to satisfy them. Psychoanalysts call this aspiration drive.
I really like the definition of drive as hunger.
If a person is hungry, he goes in search of food, provided there is a sufficient level of vitality. If the level of vitality is low, then the person will choose to lie down and wait for a hungry death.
What can you say about your hunger? What is it? And what are you doing to satisfy this hunger?
Almost everyone has a roof over their heads, food, but why, using the benefits of civilization, a person continues to be unhappy? Perhaps he lacks love. People who have lost love have an extinct look. Their fire is hidden under a thick layer of ash.
Scientific studies have confirmed the fact that babies left in shelters either died or degraded if they were not given any attention and warmth. That only is Carolyn Elyacheff's soul-numbing book "The Buried Pain".
Without love, a person cannot live fully in the same way as without food.
The need for love either pushes a person to search for it, or he himself creates a love illusion in his head. The illusion is created either from the lack of love, or because a person cannot feel this love, appropriate, has high or distorted expectations regarding his partner.
Here is what psychotherapist Irwin Yalom writes about mature love:
Love is often confused with lust or obsession. But these are different feelings, and they must be distinguished from each other. Such an obsessed lover sees not a real person in front of him, but one who will satisfy his needs. For example, it will save him from the fear of death or become a means to combat loneliness. This kind of attraction can be very strong, but it cannot last long. It only wants to take and does not know how to give, it is closed on itself and feeds on itself and therefore is doomed to self-destruction. While love is a special relationship between people, there is no compulsion in it, but there is a lot of warmth and desire to bestow upon another, to take care of him.
Love is a subtle empathy, when you say something, you think about how the other will feel your words. And love is also love for the being of another person and for who this other is becoming.
But love does not live by itself - it arises between people. To love another means to listen to him, to be interested in him, to take care of him and to be not indifferent to how he lives. To keep love for many years, you need to treat each other with interest and respect, and first, choose someone who knows how to love.
From this position, you can evaluate your relationship. Does the person care about you, does he wish you well, does he want to see joy in your eyes, does he care what feeling his words will leave in your soul? Do you also know how to love?
Leave with you only those people who sincerely know how to love, who wish you well, try to see the good in you, because everyone can see the bad. In every person, if you wish, you can discern a flaw and with the help of it manipulate, make you suffer. Know how to notice it. Strive for openness in relationships, kind-heartedness, and mutual commitment.
Dear readers, I wish you bright love and good! Be happy
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