2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE HAPPINESS OF AN UNHAPPY PERSON.
Sometimes situations arise when we, for some reason, decide to “save” the “unfortunate” person. Conditionally rescue and conditionally unfortunate, of course. You met a guy, and he was recently abandoned by a girl, his heart is broken, he needs to be cured. And let's treat him in full. Or someone hurt the girl's soul, and you came to his place as a savior.
I am not giving you advice, just please listen to what I have to say: A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BEGINS WITH TWO HEALTHY PEOPLE. And this is the rule. First, everyone should heal himself, you can help to some extent, but do not rush to get closer until the person understands himself. A healthy person is a normal, adequate person who knows about his merits and does not belittle them, but also honestly sees his shortcomings. Each person has strengths and weaknesses, this is how nature works.
There are no perfect people, and there are more than enough of perfect neurotics.
A healthy person is aware of his needs, knows how to talk about his feelings, express emotions, takes a constructive approach to solving problems in relationships (and they always arise, problems are an integral part of life on the path of any person who grows as a person), knows how to love, and, most importantly, a healthy person takes responsibility for his own happiness in a relationship.
Do you feel the difference? Someone should not make you happy - no one owes you anything. If you are saving someone all the time, sacrificing something all the time, living for someone that is still happening there, stop a little. Understand yourself, analyze past relationships, child-parent leads.
Maybe you are stuck in some kind of repetitive scenario? It is clear that not all of us are at this level of awareness, but choose a mate for yourself according to your maturity. Try at least. I will now explain why this is important. For example, you are a mature person, free inside, and, in principle, the presence or absence of someone else nearby does not make you very happy or unhappy. Of course, a loved one next to you is a great happiness, but rather it is additional happiness to your own happiness. If he leaves, you will still live a happy life, and accept his choice. Be sad, of course, but in general life will not be destroyed. If the second person is just as mature, then you start the relationship consciously (with the desire to be together for life), and end, if it really happened, they also consciously. But if the second person is not very mature, then a different situation arises.
At first he / she is delighted with your maturity, you are admired, but gradually he / she develops a strong attachment. And it seems like it's not very bad, everyone lives like that, it's even nice to hear all these “I can't live without you,” “I’ll die without you,” but at some point you start to get tired of it. That is, for a person, not he himself and his path, his development is the center of life, but YOU. And if suddenly you decide to move away or get out of his life, then everything collapses with him. And as a mature person, you understand that it hurts, it's hard, but also you won't stay with him because of pity or something else.
Do you see what I mean? "Sticky" love one day begins to weigh on a mature person. Yes, of course, you can save, you can raise another, and often it happens - someone is raising someone. But I know from myself: while you are raising another, you yourself are marking time very often. For some reason, people have different levels of development, and according to another theory of mine, they have different tasks for life. Someone should play in the professional league, someone - in the amateur. And there is no better or worse option. It's just that two players from a professional league can show a stronger game, motivate each other to grow.
If two personalities are not very mature, this is not such a big problem. There, the story is usually dramatic, with experiences, partings, resentments - we all go through a similar stage. But, if it did not pass, be attentive to the heart of the other person! You always need to be attentive to the other person's heart, but before you take responsibility for their happiness, deal with your scripts and trauma. Don't take responsibility for the happiness of an unhappy person. This applies not only to your woman or man, but also to your parents, siblings, friends, grandparents. Compassionate, help, but do not become a crutch for them.
"No one will do your inner work for you." You cannot live his own life for another. Once such stories become an unbearable burden for those who have set high goals for themselves along the way. Of course, this does not apply to all people living in this world. Well, those who are not concerned, I think, will never read this post.
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