Watch Out, Victim

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A victim is a person who has suffered. If there is a victim, then there is the one who attacks her, this is literally. But it happens that a person becomes a victim voluntarily, even when there is no aggressor. This is called victim syndrome. This concept refers to a stereotype of thinking and behavior, which includes submission and suffering. The victim is always bad, at least that's what she says about it. In the future, we will talk about exactly this, leaving behind a large spectrum of real victims, which investigates victimhood.

The victim syndrome is nurtured. Emotions are transmitted. If the parent is anxious, then his anxiety and fear, which he does not cope with, will be perceived by the child and will think and behave as if he is being persecuted, will tolerate unfair treatment and ignore his needs. The feeling of anxiety becomes a companion of the child even with too harsh, suppressive treatment. Then he gets used to his weakness, because he cannot resist it.

The victim is often offended, such a person is well aware of the feeling of pity for himself and others. Pity arises between the strong and the weak, and the psychology of the victim is always associated with inequality. This is how a child interacts with an adult. There can be no equality between them, the child is dependent on the adult, he feels dependence and sacrifice. The victim syndrome is a direct consequence of children's thinking, and, moreover, it is from childhood that is not very prosperous. The person is psychologically a thing of the past. He does not feel on equal terms, this is a prerequisite for victim syndrome.

In addition to resentment and pity, the victim often experiences other "childish" feelings: guilt, mostly neurotic, envy. Such people and love, or rather what they understand by this feeling, looks strange. It is mixed with pity, attempts to deserve and to please are repeated in behavior. It seems to them that this is love.

Children often encounter manipulations in the process of communicating with their parents and easily learn these techniques themselves. The position of the weak, dependent helps in this. You can press on pity by highlighting your weakness. This is the easiest way to manipulate. The victim uses it very often, almost always. The circumstances are to blame, the weather, the boss, the husband (wife), parents, anyone, everything is bad and therefore we need to listen, regret, forgive and help. This position is very comfortable. It allows you to receive such coveted attention and care, as well as other goodies as appropriate. Actually, this is the basic need of a person with victim syndrome.

Often, victim syndrome can be found in relationships between grown-up children and their parents. Parents cannot come to terms with the fact that a child has grown up, due to misunderstanding or selfishness, playing the role of a victim in front of his own child, making him suffer, suffering themselves, establishing an even tighter dependent relationship. An adult son or daughter sometimes feels like a rescuer or a victim, experiencing in either case only anger, guilt or resentment, and the positive leaves the relationship.

It is important to be aware of how you interact with others. Then you control the situation, otherwise scenario games happen, in which, as a rule, no one wins. If a person understands his own and others' boundaries, responsibility, then he is not led to the manipulation of the victim. For her, such an attitude is unacceptable, and she almost always breaks off contacts, going in search of other, not so independent characters.

If you are a victim. In this position, you cannot truly control your life. You may have been unlucky as a child and were a disliked child who lacked protection and nurturing. I really want to satisfy this deficit. But everything has its time, trying to return the past, you fall out of today's reality, further aggravating your problem, you can get favor and stroking, but not love. Today you are no longer a child, and you can be independent and independent. Begging and manipulating will not achieve much.

If you have met the victim. It is not as harmless as it seems at first glance. Be careful, having entered into contact with the victim, you unnoticed for yourself fall into a "noble" salvation, the victim gently turns into an aggressor who, like a spider, entangling in a web of words that feed your importance in his own eyes, sucks your resources. With such communication, a feeling of guilt often arises, although, personally, you have nothing to do with the problems of this person. But, since we agreed to listen and help, or rather save, then it is in addition to this role for you. This is the basic technique of the victim manipulator. If this happens, then you can be sure that you, too, have the traits of victim syndrome in you. Several behavioral traits will show this. For example, you want to shelter all the homeless animals, give it to all the beggars, a strong likeness on the Internet is also from this series, it's scary to ask, it's hard to refuse a request. Victim and aggressor have at least one thing in common in their thinking: both do not recognize equality, only “weak-strong”. Therefore, they change places, depending on the situation.

Coping with victim syndrome is not easy. This requires some serious internal work. Therefore, the victim usually does not want to change anything, she is looking for people who are ready to listen to her. Any communication reveals something in itself that, perhaps, I did not notice before. Communication with the victim is no exception, but you should not get involved in these destructive sad relationships that do not bring joy, but only feed your own complexes.