2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you have the first suspicions that something is wrong with a relative, he starts talking, stops caring for himself, dresses or dyes ridiculously, convinces everyone that he is being watched, his character changes, and so on. Don't dismiss it. Go and ask for qualified help, learn to behave correctly, follow the instructions of a specialist, what you can and cannot say, get the necessary knowledge that will be useful to you for many years.
And most importantly, DO NOT get involved in the rescue. The consequences, specifically for you, will be difficult, because without knowing it, you will slowly begin to plunge into the state of a sick relative.
What signals that you are already involved in the "Save me" manipulation or simply in rescue:
- a lot of shame and guilt that all this happened to you, at the wrong time, unexpectedly, which means we must try to fix the situation
- ignoring your condition, you yourself are already confused when you feel bad, and when a mentally unhealthy relative. You have forgotten the last time you took a vacation or went somewhere or just did something good for yourself.
- chronic suffering, if "he" feels bad, then what a right I have to joy, and even more so to my life!
- disappointment in myself, it seems like I listen to everything so attentively, I say good words, but the relative still does not recover.
- wrong behavior, and hence the chronic provocation of the patient. For some reason you are sure that everything should be the same as before - both the rhythm of life and everyday life and the attitude "yes everything will pass, just do not pay attention"
- it is scary to take knowledge in full from specialists. You are sure that you understand better the situation in the family, especially what is going on in the soul of a mentally unhealthy relative.
- the formation of a secondary benefit. To feel needed 24 by 7, to know that you are the only one in the universe whom the patient trusts, is often difficult to refuse.
- maintaining a childish state within oneself, it is this that gives the feeling of omnipotence, I can, I will succeed, we will cope, withstand, and so on.
How to save yourself when a relative has a mental disorder
If a mentally ill person appears in the family, then the first thing we start to do is to throw all our efforts into saving him. Or another option is ignoring that nothing like this is happening.
We have two reactions, two behaviors that turn out to be erroneous and toxic in the end. In any scenario.
No one can be saved from the frontier world. Our society is so arranged that such people are needed. And fascism proved this, the orders for the mass extermination of people with mental illness led to the fact that in the first two or three years after the war, their number in society was restored again.
Knowledge plays a big role in our life. Ignoring them can cost us too much.
You cannot influence the healing of the soul of a mentally unhealthy relative. But you can influence yourself and YOUR life. Your main task should be to preserve yourself. Often blindly rushing to save another, a person risks losing himself forever. It is very difficult to admit the thought that what is happening is irreversible. Outside of our consciousness, there is also life - and if you really want to get into it, in the hope of saving everyone from there - in fact, you will simply lose your consciousness and nothing else.
To be able to let go is what is important to learn !!!
Of course, everything will change radically - everyday life, habits, and traditions that are dear to the heart. What was dear and valuable to you will forever remain in the past. The one you loved, adored, with whom you lived your best years, with whom memories and memories are connected - became different. Not because he wanted to annoy you, spoil you, spoil your life. And because in the border world it is impossible to do otherwise. Everyone who comes there changes. This is also called personality destruction.
And the only way for you to stay here in your life is to start respecting his fate, his choice to go where you are denied access.
Yes, for this you need to change many plans in your life, revise many goals, rebuild the rhythm of life and the picture of the world. But this is a strong chance - to continue to do something good for yourself.
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