It's A Shame To Grow Old

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“A month ago I turned thirty-five. I walk with my head buried in my shoulders. At work, almost everyone is younger. I am constantly trying to improve my appearance, but I am still ashamed that I am older. As if I don't have the right to do what they do. Yes, in general, it seems to me: it's a shame to grow old. As if the world is only for the young, and the rest is better off not living."

The beauty industry rules the world, dictating its merciless laws. Fear and guilt are instilled in us that we are imperfect, shame for our body and disgust for it. And then kind and powerful helpers in the struggle for the ideal appearance offer us countless ways to solve "problems".

Otherwise, you will not be able to compete with forever young, photoshopped beyond recognition, beauties with the same lips, cheekbones, hair, breasts, a reduced waist and an enlarged booty, who are trying to show with all their looks that they are happy and loved. Images of people who have lost a lot of weight and have changed their appearance are strongly associated with success, joy, pleasure.

Here it is - the main trap created by a powerful industry! Make your appearance perfect, look always twenty-five years old - and you will become happy.

But happiness does not depend in any way on appearance. It depends on the person's ability to experience it. If there is a breakdown in this ability, no ideal appearance can give happiness.

For example, a girl who was teased at school for being overweight and having thick glasses undergoes eye surgery., loses weight to model parameters, but inside her the same baby continues to live, who shrank in horror in anticipation of another ridicule. However, the girl thinks that the wrong lip shape and hair color, which is half a tone different from the color of her dreams, is to blame for her insecurity. But when these "shortcomings" are eliminated, the inner reality still remains the same. And here we need the help of a specialist precisely in inner reality.

And here is a short story of my client Ekaterina (name has been changed, permission to publish has been received): “A month ago I turned thirty-five. I walk with my head pressed into my shoulders. At work, almost everyone is younger. I am constantly trying to improve my appearance, but I am still ashamed that I am older. As if I don't have the right to do what they do. Yes, in general, it seems to me: it's a shame to grow old. As if the world is only for the young, and the rest is better off not living."

I asked Ekaterina to introduce the part of her that is ashamed. It turned out to be a six-year-old girl. Three years ago, her little sister was born, and her parents constantly repeated to Katya: "Give in to Vika - she is younger", "These fruits are for Vika - she is small, and you are already quite adult", "Aren't you ashamed - you are older.. ". In fact, the girl took this as an axiom: all the best for those who are younger; being older is a shame.

Using the methods of emotional-image therapy, we worked with Catherine's shame and guilt, her attitude to herself, to her femininity, and gradually she became calmer, more confident, relaxed, a beloved man appeared in her life, and her need to constantly improve your appearance. Recently, Ekaterina said that she accepted the address “woman” addressed to her with a smile, whereas before, if she was called not “girl”, but “woman,” she internally shrank with horror and shame.

Behind each story of the desire to constantly change and improve one's appearance is a psychological trauma, most often received in childhood, which often may not be realized by the person himself. And it is her cure that will allow you to stop in this endless race for the illusion of external perfection and start living. A person who is beautiful to himself will be beautiful to others. Man is much more than just a body.