2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What if the preschooler is not behaving the way you would like?
Naughty, mischievous, spiteful, disobeying you.
Then look at how you communicate with him.
It is your responsibility for how he behaves. He behaves as best he can. And by such behavior, he defends himself.
And it is important to understand the reasons for this behavior, and not to blame and punish him for it.
Does he see your acceptance?
Does he see that you hear his requests and sympathize that you cannot fulfill everything?
Does he hear from you the words that you love him even like that?
Or does he see from you only twitches, shouts, and threats?
If only this, then it is not surprising his behavior.
If you could only get in his place for a little while, then I am not sure that you would be able to behave differently.
Well, if, of course, you are already trained not to hear your emotions and feelings, to suppress them, then yes, it may be easy for you to cram yourself into the image that should correspond to the ideas of your parents.
In general, I now would not want to be in the place of such a child and hear and see all this, an attitude that ignores me.
And then it is not surprising that this child goes and wants to chop off the cat's head or tail. And he says to the cat: "You are bad." Although the cat did nothing to him.
It's just that the child has so much anger towards the parent that they don't hear him. And it can be anger from powerlessness.
And where should he direct this anger? You can't be a parent. It can fly even stronger.
And on a defenseless animal - just right for a child. Play on him your anger, which is addressed to the parent.
And at the same time to learn that who is stronger, he can act as he wants to cruelly with those who are weaker.
What am I talking about?
I am sad and annoyed that this is happening.
I get angry when parents shift their responsibility to the child.
And instead of looking at how they contribute to the child's behavior, they choose the dead-end path of blaming the child for everything.
I sympathize with my parents too. But more for children. Because parents have more opportunities to be aware of all these things and improve relationships. The child simply does not have these opportunities.
Most likely and most often this happens when the parents do not have an understanding of the reasons for this, but also because they do not have the strength to react in any other way now.
And these forces often do not exist because the parent does not know how to take care of himself, his needs and interests in a timely manner. And then it is important to learn and remember this.
First, an oxygen mask for yourself, then for the child.
But more than all, I am annoyed that the parent does not seem to know about such a pattern: if the child is behaving somehow not so well, then look for the reason in your relationship.
Dear parents, I hope you did not hear accusations and condemnations of you in my words. I am writing out of a desire to help you. I want to see around as many calm and contented parents and children as possible. And I know that changing relationships is possible. Therefore, it is so important for me to say that parents have the opportunity to change relationships so that everyone in them is good!
If you recognize yourself in the description, and you yourself feel bad and difficult from these repetitive situations.
And you would like to change that, and you are ready to do something for this, but you do not know what.
Where to begin?
1. Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to rest. Have your interests.
Do things that you enjoy and enjoy.
2. Notice your emotions and be able to regulate yourself in accordance with them.
For this, it is important to be able to self-regulate.
3. Hear the child. Inform him about it.
Accept his emotions. Name them. Empathize with him.
Tell him that you love him, no matter what.
Thus, help him master self-regulation.
Even this is often important to learn. And not always, and everyone can do it right away.
If it is difficult for you to start, then please contact us!
I would be happy to help you change your relationship with your child from destructive to nourishing both of you!
I work online and in the office.
I wish you such a relationship with children, in which everyone is good!
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