2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“Mama knows best!”. This is how it is sung in a colorful and funny cartoon about the famous Rapunzel. Do we really believe in it deep down?.. (personally, my favorite hero in him is the horse Maximus)
Let's start with the fact that a baby is, in principle, the most weak-willed creature, because it is decided for him whether he is full or frozen. This is just an ideal state for the traditional Odessa joke about “Mom, am I cold? No, you want to eat! Yes, at a certain period, the mother intuitively guesses what her child needs, but this does not always work and it will not last forever.
Dear mothers. When you are sure that your child needs a complete family to be happy, remember what screams and fights occur every evening in your house and think for whom you really are keeping this formal unit of society. At the same time, think about why this illusion of a family is more important than peace and quiet in the soul of yours and your child.
When it seems to you that the most important thing for your daughter right now is finding another guy, because this is not the best job and does not have a ton of muscles in the neck and arms, look at the story through her eyes. Perhaps having an emotional response and warmth to her is now much more important than anything else. And, perhaps, this is what she could not get in childhood for the "necessary" circles and sections. Perhaps she doesn't need a boyfriend at all. But it’s too scary to tell you.
When you are sure that your son needs hardening, sports and proper dietary nutrition, because he is constantly sick and you need to bring up a real man in him, think about the fact that perhaps your son lacks freedom. From your ubiquitous attention and diseases, the fight against which you can so beautifully add meaning to your own life.
When you come to your (glory to the old gods and new) grown-up children and start telling who cooks poorly and who does not take out the garbage with high quality and hint at what you know best, think about the fact that the child has the right to choose and he can different from yours. And all that he may need at this stage is respect for this choice and recognition as a person, and not as a piece of badly baked something that will disappear without you. He has already arranged it as it was convenient for him. Yes, it may not be as highly functional as in your ideal home, but it is so comfortable. And his wife is so comfortable too. Deal with it.
They also say that parents never compete with their children, because "what nonsense, these are children!" Now look around and look for examples in your environment. There are mothers for whom a daughter will never do something well enough. She will always choose the "wrong" dresses and types of dances, not to mention partners. And the son will never find a "normal" wife, because one borscht does not know how to cook normal, the second laughs loudly, like a whore, the third wants children from him and deprives the poor boy of freedom. The mechanisms here, of course, are different, but the vector, I think, is clear. But what are we all about moms? There are dads for whom a child, regardless of primary sex, will never become smart enough or successful.
For example, a daughter will always be a disappointment despite the incredible success she has achieved herself, studying books and scientific articles at night. It doesn't matter that now she travels to conferences and speaks on national TV as an expert. She will always be the background to be a disappointment for the father. Just because she is not a son. Although having a penis does not always guarantee father's pride. For example, because a family in which all men have always been surgeons (physicists, astronauts, athletes) cannot be disgraced by a man, a makeup artist or a ballet dancer. If it seems to you that in 2019 such stories are a figment of the therapist's imagination, then it seems to you.
So that's it. Parents are forever a sacred concept that has been hammered into our heads since childhood. We were literally forced to believe that parents are the only people who can never, never do badly and harm you. Although examples of the opposite - not even a pond. Check out Sharp Objects for a colorful illustration. Believing that this is possible is akin to believing in the square shape of the earth. This is how to find out that your house is not on a high-quality foundation, in the sand and in half an hour there will be a storm. This is scary and it is simply impossible not to believe in it. But it is this kind of truth that can literally save your life sometimes. Choice as always. After you.
Take care of yourself
(foto by Adam Martinakis)
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