2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people deny their aggression, confidently declare that they are not characterized by affects ("I am not an evil person! I am white and fluffy!"), But at the same time they do not take any steps in life to express themselves, to defend their point of view.
Aggression is not only about anger and anger. Aggression is all feelings that are included in the spectrum of anger (irritation, some kind of strength of mind in an effort to protect oneself, etc.). If you are quite sensitive to anger, you will have adequacy in this place (you will say that you do not like something; that you do not want to do as your partner or friend suggests). Otherwise, you are silent about your feelings, reaching the point when the accumulated irritation explodes in an uncontrollable stream of words and emotions.
Aggression is a potential opportunity to take from the outside (from the world) what you like and want, and at the same time push away the unwanted. In this sense, even in order to paint a picture, somehow creatively realize yourself, learn to dance and even just speak out, you must have healthy aggression. In other words, it's a healthy opportunity to simply express yourself as you are.
Why are predators considered aggressive animals? They express themselves the way they want. Imagine if aggression is taken away from a lion, and he becomes a victim. What will happen? The lion will quickly die, because in nature everything is built on this. If an animal allows itself to be itself, to express itself, to take its own from life, it will survive. In human life, everything is more confusing, but in general, if you take it very schematically, there is a pattern. If you do not allow yourself to be yourself, you will not be able to survive, you will not take all the best from life, but you will sit in the position of the victim. That's what aggression is for! This is your inner core, what in the concept of personality theory according to Z. Freud and in Gestalt therapy according to F. Perls is called id - pure energy that comes from within you. In fact, the strength of your desire is already carrying aggression, strength. If I want an apple, then I have the ability to eat it; if I want to achieve something in life, then I have the strength to want it.
And a completely different situation - if in childhood they "hammered" all your desires, then you will do it inside yourself. As soon as the desire "sprouts" a little, you siege it ("Wait! It's dangerous to desire something for yourself, so sit and be silent, do not twitch, forget about all your desires. Do something, just not your own"). There may also be shame for your desires, guilt for the opportunity to experience them, to try to realize them. All the feelings you experience are directly related to how you were raised as a child. For example, in response to your inner excitement and the rise of energy, your mother came into the room and said: “Why are you jumping? What are you doing anyway? Shut your mouth, go to the corner. How are you behaving ?! " As a result, you will automatically suppress your aggression along with arousal.
What to do? You need to learn to break through your childhood fears, shame and guilt. It's not always easy, but the skills you develop will help you improve your life.
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