2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Having children is always stressful for the family system and restructuring of interaction.
At first, the child is completely dependent on the mother: he is dependent physically and emotionally.
From her mood, her contact with the newborn depends on how then the new member of society will perceive the world around him: hostile or loving.
Women who immerse themselves in motherhood by 150%
A child comes into this world not completely ready for independent existence. During the first months and years he is actively studying. In the case of the all-consuming attention of the mother, who responds to his every breath and turn of the head, he gets used to the fact that there is always someone who is invariably involved in his life. In addition, he gets used to the fact that there is someone very close, who influences his mood / wishes, to whom he should react, whom he should feel.
The growing up of such children occurs late and with a great creak. It is not beneficial for either the child (because you have to learn a huge layer of information on how to interact with the big world around), nor the mother, who loses the meaning of life, she does not know, and what is its value now.
Is there a difference when the baby is a boy and the baby is a girl?
If the child is a girl, then a mother who is too close, who lives the life of a daughter, who grows up with her daughter again, goes to school, studies, chooses boys, a university … a lot of projections and scenarios of her daughter's life are quickly formed. Sometimes she tries to realize all those desires that she herself had, but did not work out … Also, if a girl turns out to be prettier / smarter / faster, then jealousy and anger arise, which openly or covertly is directed towards the growing child and which the child often cannot stand (he simply did not have experience of interacting with emotions, he was cared for throughout his childhood).
If the child is a boy, then a mother in a transitional age can unconsciously put her son in the role of her ideal husband, whom she raised for herself and who will be with her until the end of her life.
How does the world seem to children of overprotective mothers? Hostile, large, incomprehensible and uncontrollable. Unfortunately, many internal patterns will already be difficult to change, and anxiety will become a constant component of the adult life of the child of the guardian mother. Usually children grow up passive, dependent, with a suppressed “I” and a weak understanding of what they want to do in their life. And they need a lot of courage to move away from their mother, learn to listen and hear themselves and act based on their desires.
Women who remain women and ignore the role of the mother.
The child of such a woman quickly enough feels rejected and abandoned. He does not know and does not understand mother's love, he is immediately in such a cold and unfriendly world that sadness accompanies him everywhere.
In a family where the mother is alienated from the child, and the father cannot provide the warmth that the baby needs, children often become a certain function of the family system and perform tasks that are necessary to demonstrate a "good" family: they play musical instruments, learn many languages, participation perfectly (in order to earn parental warmth and attention, and after taking some heights, parents need new victories for self-affirmation and confirmation that they are good parents)
The child's experiences remain forever inside him. He grows up early, succeeds in his career, often postpones marriage to find the best option and … forever keeps in himself the sadness of being abandoned in childhood.
Is there a balance?
Probably yes, but it is always worth remembering that once you have found a balance, you will have to constantly seek it over and over again, because life is a constant search for balance, compromises and the best solutions, based on the resources that you have at a certain moment. time.
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