Daughters - Mothers. A Lifelong Game

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I very well remember myself as a girl who played with pleasure and enthusiasm in Mother Daughter. Responsibility for the doll's comfort, for her well-being and health increased my self-esteem - I knew for sure: I am a good mother

The doll was fed, outfits were specially sewn for her, she walked on time and even went to the zoo and the theater! I did good for the doll - I took care of it. I was happy, because all the doll's desires coincided with mine and everything was realized according to the ingenious plan of the head of the game - MY!

Only 20 years have passed, and the opportunity to play presented itself to me again. My daughter was born, my joy, my hope, my princess and many, many beautiful words in an excellent degree. I was happy. But it turned out that my daughter has her own desires, her own capabilities and her own character, which sometimes did not coincide at all with My brilliant plan - TO BE A GOOD MOM. On reflection, I realized that you can only be a good mother THROUGH YOUR Daughter.

Let me explain the thought - the mother feeds the child as she sees fit, the mother walks the child as she sees fit, the mother dresses the child as she sees fit, the mother enrolls the child in a circle that she sees fit. Mom knows how a girl should behave, what this girl wants, and even how to realize it. Mom knows how to do it, because she is MOM. And due to this, she feels like a Good Mom. She feels a sense of her own dignity - this is what she is like a MOTHER - she knows everything and understands how it SHOULD be done. And such a worm like: Or maybe the son wants to poke around in the sand more than to play the violin, maybe it's too early to listen to an opera for her daughter at the age of 6, maybe she wants to wear worn jeans, not ball gowns, but he likes to read science fiction better, and not a classic - the heart of this Mom does not gnaw.

The idea that children should confirm with their submissive behavior to their parents that their brilliant parenting plan is GREAT and they are very good parents, closes the very essence of why we have children.

For what? To prove to yourself and everyone through the child that you have become a mother? To feel the universal power over him through the child? To realize your unfulfilled desires to play the piano or football through your child?

Probably not.

Probably to continue oneself in a happier version. Only happiness is not in imposing your own norms and values, based on your own experience accumulated over the years of trial and error, but in the opportunity to give your children freedom of choice and support in any of this choice.

Happiness, when you realized yourself as a Mother, without making your child a "cripple" - did not tie him to yourself with an invisible thread of dependence on your desires, did not nurture psychosomatic diseases in him, from the inability to directly resist the ingenious upbringing plan.

I realized this when my daughter was two years old. And I had to become a Simple imperfect mom. Sometimes our views are diametrically opposed and she, with undisguised pride, declares in society: "Here we have disagreements with my mother." To admit that My daughter can think differently than I do, that she can doubt the correctness of My opinion, always confronts me with the fact that she is different. She is mine, but she is different. The other is beautiful, smart, young, and … alive.

My daughter is not a silent doll. She has her own desires and her own ways - roads. I really want to do good to her and take care of her. And I am glad that I realized in time that, firstly, my daughter does not owe me anything in return for my GOOD. Secondly, that sometimes she does not need goodness at all and is not at all appropriate. And thirdly, that in order for good to become GOOD sometimes it is necessary to ask permission - can this Good be done to her? And yet - she can and will live the way she wants. And I dare not feel like an ideal mother through her.

True motherly love manifests itself in a non-judgmental, stable and complete (always, under any circumstances, regardless of their own opinion) acceptance of their child, and only then is it Mother's love.

Thanks to the mother, the child learns to make and defend his choice, to be responsible for it, to admit his mistakes and correct them on his own, to ask without hesitation for help when he needs it. Mom is only an experienced material on which a daughter or son can test themselves, their strength, through which they can hear their desires, material that will either give the child confidence in the world and in himself or selfishly fix their flight of dreams on the interests of the mother.

Therefore, mothers, understand, a child is not a doll, and life is not a game of kingdom. Take off the crown as soon as possible. Talk to your daughter, hear your son, take their opinion into account in everything. Only God is ideal, we are all wrong. Do not be ashamed to ask your child for forgiveness for your mistakes and screams, let him treat you like a person and not like a deity, let your daughter or son grow up and become your friend or friend. And be more careful with kindness and care, sometimes it does more harm than good.

Admit it to yourself and your child: Yes, I'm not a perfect mom. And sometimes I can't understand and accept you. And I'm angry. Forgive me, I'm just a person who can be wrong. But I really love you. I love as I can love. May God help you in everything you ask of him. And I will pray to him for your happiness. And I am always happy to help when you need my advice and my support. Just let me know about it, my happiness, in such moments I will always be there. I'm just your mom.