2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"I am the most loving life form on the planet, something like a cross between a golden retriever and a sticky fish."
E. Gilbert "Eat. Pray. Love"
Elizabeth Gilbert admitted that she is prone to creating emotionally dependent relationships in her autobiographical novel "Eat. Pray. Love."
Perhaps many other women who have experienced emotional withdrawal from their mothers in their childhood can admit this as well.
When I read Gilbert's book, it felt like hair was moving on my head - I recognized myself in it. Sometimes the resemblance was so strong that I cried.
Yes, the desire to "stick" to a partner, a loved one, to say "Vanya, I am yours forever!" was my trouble.
Women who have formed an avoidant-rejecting type of attachment in childhood have other characteristics:
- the tendency to create dependent relationships;
- lack of trust in people;
- a tendency to addictions and compulsions;
- poor contact with your feelings and needs;
- hypertrophy of anger;
- inability to be in close relationships (avoidance of intimacy);
- avoidance of social contacts. Women with this type of attachment tend to avoid and … their own happiness, missing out on good opportunities. The same ban on happiness!
Such girls in the future build their lives in the light of the same question "How can I make sure that I am not rejected?"
And they find the "right" solution.
Someone decides to give up sovspm from close relations, to close, and someone, like Liz Gilbert, becomes that very "cross between a golden retriever and sticky fish"! But some people use these two approaches at the same time.
What if you end up in stories over and over again when you are ignored, avoided, or rejected?
There is a solution. Painful, but also the only effective one. Stop "merging" with others, turn your gaze to yourself and learn to independently satisfy your needs.
If it was unbearable for a girl to feel lonely in the presence of her own mother, then for an adult it is simply necessary to learn to be alone.
This is the way to heal your own soul. Most often, psychotherapy is needed to go this way.
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