2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A secure and unreliable attachment. I'm not talking about the attachment now, about which Kozlov wrote.
I'm talking about the one that forms in the first 2 years of a child's life. And which affects the behavior of a person in a relationship. Whether he is happy in them or not.
Physically, our life depends on whether we have enough air, water and food.
But on an emotional level, we need social reserves to survive: we need empathy, care and love.
Reliable and unreliable attachment style as the basis of relationships
By virtue of our human nature, we need support and care from others, especially in the early years of life.
The attachment style is then reinforced at school, college, and in the first serious relationship.
Characteristics of people with secure attachment styles:
- When parents generously share their social reserves with a child: they actively show care, warmth, express sensitivity, give love and support, a reliable attachment is formed in the child.
- A person with a secure attachment feels important and loves himself. He knows how to calm down and manage his emotions. He handles relationship breakups with ease in adulthood. And he knows how to recover from grievances, disappointment in a partner and parting.
- People with a secure attachment style calmly share their feelings and desires, and show warmth and concern for others, as their feelings and desires were accepted by their parents during childhood.
- They do not stretch, do not stick to other people, but do not push them away either. They are warm and reliable in relationships. Such people are confident in themselves and know how to build trusting relationships.
We can say that they feel their reliability and stability inside and outside the relationship. In relationships, he takes a proactive stance.
Characteristics of people with insecure attachment styles:
- If in childhood a child feels that his parents are alienated, do not make contact with him, show coldness towards him and ignore his desires, insult and punish him physically, he will form an unreliable attachment.
- A person with an unreliable style of attachment almost constantly feels that he is imperfect, unnecessary for another. It is difficult for him to declare his desires and openly express his feelings.
- He is cold because he is not sure of his worth to another. He doubts himself constantly. From keeping a distance with a relationship partner. And doesn't expect much from him.
- Such a person cannot show concern and self-compassion in relation to himself.
A person with an insecure attachment is prone to self-criticism, is more prone to stress and failure. In relationships, he manifests himself reactive.
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