2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At the “Dragon Awakening” body-energy gymnastics classes, after meditation, when the body is filled with energy and the soul is calm, we turn to satsang: a conversation about the meanings and truth of life
At this moment, as a rule, the usual question is heard (it may sound differently, but the essence is always the same): How to stop experiencing anger, resentment, disappointment and despondency?
Especially you are worried about these emotions in relationships with loved ones.
“Anger is born only from unsatisfied desires. I do not expect anything from others, so their actions cannot contradict my desires. Avadhut Swami.
I will answer you this way. The traditional approach of practical psychology offers the poor layman an incredible variety of methods of working with emotions. Basically, these techniques contain various ways to influence yourself with the help of the mind. Here and auto-training, and self-hypnosis, and affirmations. The methods are good, but the duration of their impact is extremely short, due to the extraordinary flexibility and variability of mental structures.
"Anger differs from madness only by its short duration." Cato
Trying to suppress anger and other emotions, You make incredible efforts. By restraining emotional impulses, you, in fact, are abusing yourself. This violence leads to fatigue, irritation and … new outbursts of aggression.
“… Anger is more difficult for the one who experiences it. What starts in anger ends in shame. " Tolstoy L. N
The way you deal with anger lies in the mechanism of its origin. Having realized the mechanics of the development of negative emotions, you will understand how it is necessary to work with them.
The reason for the appearance of negative emotions lies in the discrepancy between the current reality and the behavior of others around your expectations. Example: a son who does not want to follow in his father's footsteps and chooses a different profession; a daughter who comes after midnight from a fun party; a spouse who, instead of helping around the house, prefers to spend time with friends or in the company of the TV.
There are many situations, but the mechanism is one: Expectations ≠ Reality.
"All anger comes from powerlessness." Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
Indeed, when faced with the desires of another person, contrary to yours, you feel a wild need to control, suppress and dictate your terms. Compliance of the other side will calm down Your ardor, and resistance will cause fury from powerlessness. You believe that if the other person begins to behave your way, then you will be happy. When loved ones do not indulge You, You force them.
Here is the main root of your anger: FIGHT. And you are fighting for HAPPINESS. The happiness that you associate with another person.
“Anger is like fire: if you don’t extinguish it, you can burn yourself up” Folk wisdom.
Being in a struggle with the outside world, trying to control or resisting someone else's struggle, you create within yourself the energy of negative emotions. And their course in You goes through several stages. It all starts with an attack - this is ANGER. Then retreat is offense and DISAPPOINTMENT. And as a result - freezing: DEMLESSION and APATHIA.
“Hemorrhoids are a vile disease. He always attacks from behind …”Vladimir Semyonov
You expected someone to do something, but the expectations were not met. You are furious, a wave of irritation builds up inside. Several sharp, sharp phrases fan the fire of the argument. The battle began.
If You are not the first day in this war, then, almost immediately, You regret the quarrel that you started, but you cannot stop any more, just as the other side cannot do it.
“The most catastrophic processes are slow and imperceptible. One day you wake up and realize that it's all over.”Tatyana Kogan
The best way to prevent a fight is not to start it at all.
This is possible if you are aware and understand that it is pointless to try to control others or to expect something from them. When You are aware, You understand that STRUGGLE, DEMAND, Dictate is the path leading relationships to the abyss, and the only way to be with loved ones in the world is to love them.
"Love never asks, it always gives!" Swami Vivekananda
Your happiness can only be born within You. This happens when you find yourself. In this case, You REALIZE that happiness cannot be received from outside. Happiness is possible only within You and without any struggle. Happiness doesn't have to be achieved. You just need to open it in yourself. But for this you need to find yourself, you are always looking for someone else or something else. You always think that happiness can be obtained with the help of a car, a house, or another person.
“Maybe we should give up trying to be happy? It all ends in disappointment every time.”Evelyn Powell
Happiness is giving up striving and striving. Happiness is impossible to achieve. As soon as You understand this, those around you will cease to be the way to happiness for You. You will stop demanding your HAPPINESS from them. You will stop feeling like a beggar, and they will stop feeling guilty about Your poverty.
"Love for one's neighbor is limited by how much each person loves himself." Aurelius Augustine
If everything written is still incomprehensible to you, learn to be aware of one thing in a quarrel. Every time you start an argument with a person, ask yourself the question: “What am I fighting for now? Can another person give it to me? Do I need him to do this out of internal motives and from his own desire or from my compulsion and from my pressure?"
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