Reproduction In A New Love Relationship Of The Scenario Game That Destroyed The Old Relationship (5)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Scenario game. Relationship # 2

People sometimes notice that all their love relationships develop according to the same pattern, that they constantly step on the same rake. Ideally, it would be good to get out of the scenario game as soon as it starts, when you first notice that something is changing in your relationship and something is starting to repeat itself with depressing consistency. But this rarely happens, reflection and awareness are usually turned on only when the "everyday rake" hit the forehead several times in a row.

The insidiousness of scenario games is that their first pranks happen in childhood, and for the first time the plot of the game is imprinted into our souls, as it were, in the form of a child's imprinting. The child is not necessarily involved in this action himself; it may be enough for him to observe the relationship of the parents.

The first "war injuries" and the emergence of scenario play

In his work “On the Other Side of Pleasure”, Sigmund Freud, reflecting on the experience of working with post-war neuroses, noted that many people who have experienced trauma tend to return again and again in their memories to the situation of receiving these traumas. But it is worth noting that in peacetime it is possible to be traumatized, people can receive the first "war injuries" even in deep childhood: scandals of parents, shouting and aggression against the child himself - all this can be comparable for a fragile psyche with being in the zone " combat operations ".

Freud describes the story of a boy who is acutely experiencing the “disappearance of his mother,” who for some reason was often forced to be absent from home. To cope with this injury, the boy came up with a game: he tied a rope to the typewriter, threw the typewriter under the bed, and then pulled it back by the rope. The child could not force his mother to return, but he had the opportunity to play the return of his "favorite object" by pulling the car out from under the bed.

In this game, as in most games, a substitution takes place: the role of the disappearing mother begins to be played by the toy car. But unlike in real life, the boy in the game has the opportunity to bring his mother back.

It is difficult for a child to reconcile swearing parents, and in the game the Bunny can make peace with the Bear. But in order for the injury to be overcome, Mishka and Bunny must first have a serious fight and even beat each other. Then they reconcile, hug, and family peace is restored.

Having matured and found themselves in a love relationship, people begin to play this childish game in reality. Only the role of "Bear" they take for themselves, and their partner is forced to take the role of "Bunny". A lover, noticing that something began to go wrong in their relationship with a partner, can provoke a terrible scandal just for the sake of being able to hug and make peace. A return to the memory of the old and proven way of reconciling the “warring parties” in childhood can be promoted by the same age regression that we described in previous articles.

Imprinting from the first love relationship

In love relationships, children's scenario games are no longer developed in the form of a game of "bunnies - bears" and not the field of children's imagination. Lovers falling into age regression are fighting for life and death already in real life. And their war is also given special strength by the fact that childhood traumas may be somewhat similar, but usually there are differences in them. The games one partner used as a child to cope with traumatic situations may differ significantly from the other's coping methods. But since every lover is trying to impose his own game on his partner, something like a "war of scenario games" may arise between them.

Let's go back to the story of Igor and Masha

Apparently, Masha solved the problem of getting rid of injuries just by the method that we called "the war between a bunny and a bear." To relieve internal tension, she needed to act out a conflict with Igor, so that later there was an opportunity to make peace and return to the form of relationship that was dear to her.

Igor could save himself as a child by another game. He simply tried to escape from the conflict zone. Therefore, their common "pair game" eventually acquired the following plot: Masha "saved the relationship" by provoking a scandal, but Igor, instead of quarreling and then making up, tried to somehow "escape": either in the literal sense of the word, going to parties with friends, or sat down at a computer game, or, as they say, "went into himself."

If we look at the history of our lovers, we can see that they remembered quite well the situations of their parents' divorce, but the period when quarrels and scandals had just begun between moms and dads was pushed out of their minds. Therefore, Igor remembers how his mother tortured him with her moral and emotional conversations, and Masha remembers "the betrayal of Uncle Yura", but they do not remember those dense times when the first strong scandal between their parents took place. Most likely, the stress from those screams and manifestations of aggression that once shocked both Igor and Masha was pushed out of consciousness and forgotten, just like those attempts to overcome these traumatic events, which both tried in their own way. work out for yourself.

In the future, trying to independently analyze the reasons for the break in her relationship with Igor, Masha will be able to understand that she was then wounded by the fact that Igor constantly “betrayed” and ran away, leaving her alone with her experiences. But she will not remember how she provoked him into a conflict, so that later she could reconcile and revive the relationship.

And Igor, most likely, will decide that Masha is a hysterical and prone to carrying out the brain, but will not understand that he is afraid of quarrels and avoids conflicts, and this makes him superficial and unable to stay close to another person at close range.

The problem with the machine is that she can develop love chemistry only with such a young man who resembles the “fatal man” of her childhood - Uncle Yura, or his later version - Igor. However, at one time she did not notice that Uncle Yura was mimicking an extrovert person, while having a need for intimate and deep relationships. Igor was an ordinary extrovert, and besides, he was also a "man of action", not a "man of the psyche." It turned out that Igor, as it were, duplicated the external features of Uncle Yura's extroversion, without having, like him, the need for deep and selective contacts.

Thus, "Igor's betrayal" consisted in the fact that his character only outwardly resembled the character of another person. They really had something in common with Mashin's uncle Yura: the habit of fooling around and inventing funny stories, but Mashin the “fatal man” had a need for deep chamber relationships, and Igor only needed dynamics and a wide circle of friends and girlfriends.

It so happened that a plot of betrayal was entrenched in the Machine's soul, which she was aware of, but at an unconscious level, the plot of the game with the enactment of a scandal, which should end with reconciliation and a happy ending, still operates. We repeat that she never noticed that Igor and her uncle Yura are similar only in appearance: a tendency to foolishness and inventions are only external manifestations of their characters, in all other respects they are completely different people.

The deviousness of love chemistry knows no bounds. So Masha may in the future fall in love with perky, cheerful and inclined men, and she may simply not notice people with a need for intimate and deep relationships.

It is worth noting that an anti-scenario is triggered in Igor's soul: his mother was a boring and extremely correct person, inclined to a rational organization of life and a sequence of choices and actions - therefore Igor will choose girls who are the antipode of his mother. As if to spite his mother, he was looking for a girlfriend as a cheerful, emotional and inclined to fantasy girl (the image that he saw for himself in Masha).

A few comments from the psychologist

The first, destroyed under the influence of scenario games, the relationship usually proceeds in such a way that the person does not even notice the logic of this game. Lovers may not notice that the love chemistry between them arose by mistake: it simply flared up, responding to the latent surface manifestations of the character of the chosen one. The mistake in choosing a partner often remains undetected: it usually seems to a lover that his partner is “betraying” himself, since he is deviating from the image that would be prescribed to him. "If he does not match the image that I imagined, then he is a traitor." "It was not me who was deceived, it is he - a hypocrite who does not want to be what I imagined him to be."

Having recovered from the break in relations with Igor, Masha after a while will again run into a cheerful and perky young man who loves to fantasize and dream, telling funny stories about himself, from which it follows that his life was full of adventures. Masha will again not notice that her new chosen one does not have those basic character traits that her “fatal man” had, gaiety and a tendency to fool around may simply be the protective mechanisms of the psyche, and not a manifestation of its deep essence.

The plot of a scenario game may be a child's attempt to escape into a game or fantasy from a harsh family reality or some other traumatic event. The game, as it were, saves the child from stress, reduces the level of tension in his psyche, but it is not able to change the course of events. Parents will still quarrel, even if the characters replacing them in the child's play find ways of reconciliation. Scenario play is a kind of "magic ritual" that is not able to change the world, but is able to help a child overcome his fear and overcome the shock of what is happening.

This article belongs to a series of articles on the phenomenon of "age regression" in love relationships, as well as on the mechanism of "scenario games" that sometimes occur in love and family relationships. Through all the articles, an analysis of the relationship between Igor and Masha passes, they are an example of the manifestation of different mechanisms that sometimes work in love relationships.

Here is a list of all of these articles: