Fill Your Life With Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Suppressing his feelings and emotions, ignoring his needs, closing his eyes to his goals and dreams, a person lives a gray, monotonous life, the owner of which he is not. Thus, he ceases to feel. What does this lead to and how dangerous it can be?

How do we stop feeling

It is very beneficial for the world that we behave in a certain way, express "right" feelings, "wrong" - hide in ourselves. So that we meet the expectations of parents, teachers, and later - colleagues, bosses and friends. Since childhood, the world pushes us to the roles that we must fulfill, being close to the people around us. To give an example: most people were brought up to be a good child, in order for their behavior to receive the praise and approval of those who had control and power over them. Time passed and these people grew in accordance with the expectations that other people (parents) imposed on them, having already consolidated this in their lives and not realizing that role developed over the years. Each role has its own mask, which consists of certain feelings, emotions, behavior and actions that a person brings into the world. That is, these are not those sincere feelings, emotions that really expresses the person. His mask expresses them. Our true "I" moves further and further from us, and we cease to feel, playing the role that others expect from us.

False settings

How are all these negative attitudes laid down, which are introduced into the consciousness of a person and subsequently begin to manifest themselves passively and unconsciously? Imagine that there are several dozen people in your environment who support you in your choice, admire, take pride in and believe in you. And imagine that there are also one or two people in your life who are critics for you. The paradox is that these two people, who are critics, are able to "overshadow" all the positive effect that the other several dozen give. Why? Because everything negative has additional energy. The negative, criticism, attacks that come from them hurt us and we are forced to pay attention to this when the positive is taken for granted. False attitudes imposed on us by other people do not pass through the filters of our consciousness and simply fall into it. We have no way of verifying the truth of their judgment, so we take them at face value. After a while, these beliefs penetrate so deeply into our lives that we begin to live according to the imposed and carefully rehearsed role, in which the true beliefs of our true self are replaced.

Fictional "I"

“I do not live my life, others decide for me, I’m tired of my life and I don’t know what I want, I lose myself, I do what others expect from me, I am unhappy…”. Have you ever thought the same? In fact, all people who have such thoughts and such sensations live according to an imaginary “I”, ignoring their true “I”. Such thoughts are the result of leaving yourself when the fictional "I" offers you an unprofitable deal with yourself: "Do not waste time on this, do not pay attention, do not create problems for yourself, take it as it is, just agree with it …". Such an internal position, although convenient for the people around him, but the person himself can lead to dissatisfaction with life, despair, unhappiness and deprives a person of energy and passion. A person does not live, but only "transfers" himself from day to day. The life of such a person cannot bring satisfaction, tk. its main goal is to create a safe space in which there are no problems. In this space, your values and beliefs are replaced by false substitutes, such as money, respect from others, high status in your career and society. These superficial, shallow substitutes become pumps to drain your energy.

Stimulus - reaction

Have you heard about this term: "stimulus - response"? It is our behavior with which we approach people, and this behavior determines how they will react to us. For example, if we approach people with irritation, then, most likely, we will receive irritation in response. When our body says "Unhappy", at first people will be able to show us compassion and help, but then they come to get rid of you. When our face mask says “Stay away,” others will avoid you. It can be very difficult to refuse one or another role, because our environment expects us to behave exactly like this.

Some roles seemed to carry a positive connotation. For example, the wife of an alcoholic receives from people the support and sympathy of others, which she lacks in life, and a disobedient child, by his behavior, gets attention from adults. Each role has a set of certain biases that have a lot of power over the person. They provide a safe haven when we are afraid of something new and unknown. They give us insight into life and influence our reaction to life events. When we lose control of something, they tell us what to do and what to say. But, despite all these seemingly "pluses", a person pays for his beliefs very dearly. When everything is calm and good in this person's life, he still has the feeling that something is wrong. There is no happiness and tranquility in his script. And even in this state, a person experiences fear and anxiety, because it is a departure from who he should be. If the script dictates to be a failure or a sufferer, then allow to fit this role completely and completely.

Threat to society

If you nevertheless decided to leave the role that you have realized and which does not bring you joy and happiness in life, you need to understand that people will see your behavior as a threat and will try to put you in the place where you were always. They are more comfortable seeing you with a specific set of actions and emotions that was assigned to the role. Some will try to protect you from the insecure world that you want to enter, others will worry about themselves, as this changes their lives in relation to you. The goal is one for all - to return you to your original place and to convince you that you do not need it. Here is an example of such a struggle, a girl, 31 years old: “When I tried to change my job and field of activity, which, in the opinion of most people in my environment, suited me completely and to which I gave 7 years of my life, I constantly heard such phrases:“Give up You are it!”,“It suits you like no one else”,“You don’t need to change anything”, and some were even tougher:“What the hell are you talking about?”,“Who are you making out of yourself?”. It was very difficult to break out of this vicious circle. People really don't always tend to be happy about the change and success of others. Looking at other people's successes, it is hard for people to look at their own weaknesses. If you succumb to this (their envy, weaknesses, persuasion), they will place you in a safe place for them - a level lower than they occupy themselves.

Open up to your senses

The first step to your feeling of yourself, to your “true self” is to open up to YOUR emotions and feelings. How can this be done when we have lived with a different role for so many years, trying to meet other people's expectations, restraining emotions in different situations? Admit it to yourself that you can feel anger, anger, irritation, envy, resentment, and these feelings are legal. Stop holding back what makes you who you are, a complete person. When you admit these feelings to yourself, you will notice that they have become much weaker and no longer have such power over you. At first, it can be difficult to express all these feelings, not to be afraid of them, since the psyche will desperately seek to renew old patterns of behavior and certainly will not want to meet the "monsters" of the past. Having ceased to restrain our fears, anxieties, jealousy, despondency, guilt and other feelings, we open new facets of our "I" and become freer in relation to our own thoughts and feelings, we accept them in ourselves, without denying or controlling. Even if we do not tell our loved ones about our feelings, it is necessary to legalize and recognize them in ourselves.

Reuniting with your true self requires strong faith in the choice made, wisdom, determination. Psychotherapy will help you with this. Find support in yourself, open and acknowledge the emotions that have been “behind a closed door” for years, define your goals, stop meeting other people's expectations, let go of the roles that drag you down, bring joy into your life, and finally become happier ! There is nothing more beautiful than being the blacksmith of your own life, being in the "here and now", rejecting your outdated, inappropriate and outdated past. Remember, you always have a choice to do what you want!