2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I would sin with a lack of realism and honesty if I pretended that there are no old people whose poison can poison anyone. And no antidote has been invented. “The horror of Alzheimer's,” the children of such parents will say, “bullshit! It would be better if he was feeble-minded!"
There are old people whose chronic harshness and hatred destroy loved ones. Their way of living, thinking and acting defies all rules, all commandments, all hopes.
The old people who maintain a clear mind for the rest of their days are as real as those who lose it forever. And this is not grace, but hellish horror, if we do not find anything in them that can be called human.
Their minds are clear, the poison is deadly, the blows are precise and verified. Their goal is to turn your life into a nightmare at the end of the day. With this nightmare, they are trying to steal your life. Your right to her.
"I am dying, and will you enjoy life?" - this thought drives them crazy. They do everything they can to take away your right to live.
Envy becomes the main entertainer of poisonous communications. Jealousy requires you to destroy all the good you have. In the end, and yourself. For you still have time.
The thinking of such old people is ruthless. These are people who always see other people as an attachment or a hindrance, or have identified too much with the role of "life-giver." There comes a time when they want to take your life. When they look at you, your successes and even failures are unbearable.
Such relatives can turn you into cripples. The absurd demands and the complete lack of interest in others in old age for some are aggravated to the point that it is almost impossible for close relatives to endure them.
It is very difficult to care for a parent who may never have cared for you. It’s even worse if he continues to show his disdain for you or outright bullying.
No one has the right to judge you if you refuse to participate in the aging of your loved one, interaction with whom can be so destructive.
You are your own chief arbiter, and the choice is yours. If you feel that this relationship is draining you emotionally, worsening your health, it is probably best to distance yourself from such a parent as far as possible.
You can participate in his life and care for him by establishing contact with social services, inviting carers, specialists, arranging with neighbors to visit the old man, and also involving someone from the family to take on some of the functions of caring for him.
How can you tell if your loved ones are toxic and pose a threat to your well-being?
- You feel a constant sense of guilt. Whatever you do, this feeling is always with you. It is poisoning you. Presses on the shoulders.
You should try to find a meaningful reason for your guilt. You may not find her. You may come to believe that your guilt is imaginary (not real). Experiencing imaginary guilt is a very destructive feeling that keeps you in a relationship with your poisonous relative. Your relative poisoned you with this feeling, and it happened a long time ago, most likely in your childhood. This feeling of guilt keeps you on a short leash.
You have a lot of work to do on yourself. You should try to get rid of the perceived guilt. It is this toxic feeling that prevents you from making self-affirming choices about further interaction with a relative who is exhausting you.
How can you tell if your relationship with a relative is toxic and life-threatening?
- You notice a deterioration in your own health. If you have symptoms such as headache, weakness and dizziness, pain in the heart and chest, back pain, indigestion, muscle pain, hot or cold spells, a lump in the throat, or heaviness in the limbs, you most likely cannot cope with the demands of your poisonous relative.
- The frequency and quality of contact with other people has decreased significantly. You rarely communicate with friends, colleagues, children, spouse. It is difficult for you to feel love for your loved ones.
If you decide to interact with your poisonous parent or other relative, then you need to learn the process of your relationship with him. Focus your attention on how you got hooked as you occasionally act out your part in this bilious drama. What "buttons" do you have that your poisonous relative presses? How do they work, what make you do?
You are not a child and you do not depend on a poisonous parent as before, but at the same time, parts of your parent's personality may remain inside you that you have not been able to separate from yourself. Make it a rule when you begin to hear a menacing voice inside your head: "How much can I tell you?" or "I just want to help you!", tell him: "Get out, I didn't call you." And also: "Anyone who wants to help me will not speak to me in such a tone."
Use all your valuable qualities and all that you have and that can be used to continue your development in the direction of separation from toxic communication. Think about which adaptation strategies you've used and which ones have been helpful and which have not. What do you need to stay mentally healthy?
If you find yourself in the role of a caregiver caring for an old poisonous relative, first of all, check your feelings about caring, dependence and power. The roles have been exchanged, and playing the role of a caring caregiver can be as difficult for you as it was for your parent when you were a child.
When communicating with your poisonous relative, perceive him as he is in reality. Accept his limitations and appreciate his abilities.
You may be horrified by your feelings of hatred towards a poisonous relative. You should understand that when love is exhausted, it turns into hate. Hate is love cold.
Most of all, you can hate a personal close person, since it was with him that he wanted to experience love. Your hate is a reaction to trauma from a loved one. The impulse to love was suppressed. You can be very angry with your poisonous relative. Anger is all you have, it seems to you. But this is not the case. Listen to yourself. Calm your anger. Ask him to come out, even for a moment. What will be left?
You may feel that you are bad. But you are not bad, unfortunately, it so happened in your relationship with a loved one that love was replaced by hate.
Some close people or friends with a light hand may call you a masochist if you are looking for interaction with a parent in whom you are more likely to experience frustration and pain. But what attracts you is not some kind of masochism and a desire to experience pain. You are drawn to the most sophisticated monster by the primary feeling of love for him. Love and hate under such circumstances are intermingled. And there is nothing surprising here.
There is one good thing about hate, or this terrible mess of love and hate. You are alive. The worst thing is to feel nothing.
If you decide to interact with such a relative, identify the restrictions associated with the fact that you restrain yourself, and what you will tolerate from your relative.
Don't let your poisonous relative manipulate you into feeling guilty. One should not obey his absurd demands. Learn to say no to them.
Organize other people who may be better than you at meeting the needs of your poisonous old man without a heartbreaking drama.
Remember that you also have obligations to yourself and to other people. You have every right to set your own priorities, avoiding various manipulations by a toxic relative.
When caring for an old man, seek support from others and use a variety of resources to help maintain inner balance and self-esteem.
Take breaks from caring for the old man, having time to be present in the lives of those people who love you.
Decide for yourself what you are willing to endure and what you are not.
Do everything to protect yourself, and do not forget that you have every right to do so.
And further. Love never dies completely. And you can return to the original source of your current sizzling feelings. There is a chance.
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