2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The article "A Paradoxical View of Treason" caused a great response from readers.
Briefly, the essence of the article is that the wife witnessed the intimate correspondence of her husband with another woman and came to a psychologist to sort out her feelings and how she should relate to this incident. The husband denies treason and assures his wife that he loves her. In the course of her reasoning, the wife decides to keep the family together, shifting the locus of control from the husband to herself. Moreover, she also tells him that she loves and even asks for forgiveness that she treated him with distrust.
Can the psychologist in this case recommend any solutions to the woman? It used to be political workers and grannies on the bench who could condemn a traitor, categorically say: "He is a traitor, get away from him!"
In both cases, there will be one important omission: no one asked the woman what she herself wants, how does she herself think it is right?
And so, a woman makes the decision that seems to her to be correct according to her feelings and circumstances. And here she can again face a different attitude: someone will say "well done", someone "well, you are a fool."
What's the truth? Can there be one truth or is it different for everyone? Is the world divided into black and white, or are there some shades between them? We issue our verdict without sufficient initial data: did the husband constantly cheat or "went out of the way" for the first time, what kind of relationship they had with his wife all this time, for what internal motives the wife made exactly such a decision and uttered exactly the words that will they do next?
And there are couples who choose an open relationship and see harmony in this. Is it necessary to scold them as schoolboys and accuse them of being unaware that "you do not live according to Erich Fromm, you will not see either great and pure love or happiness"?
Perhaps the psychologist should plant a seed of doubt. For example, give feedback to the client without judgment: "It seems to me that you have chosen to go into denial / self-accusation in order to cope with the frustration. Do you see for yourself at the moment more optimal ways out of the family crisis?"
The key phrase here is "it seems to me." In my opinion, a psychologist should avoid categorical judgments, he does not know all the circumstances for sure and he is not a magician in order to foresee what the impact of this or that decision will be. Saying "it seems to me, I think …", the psychologist leaves room for the client's vision, realizes that he, like Socrates, knows that he knows nothing, that there is a person who must rely on his needs, his choice.
The task of the psychologist is to be there, to support, to give feedback if necessary, leaving the right to choose for the client.
What do you think, dear readers? How far does the psychologist's responsibility extend?
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