10 Questions To Better Understand Yourself And Your Problem. To Help The Client And The Psychologist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

We all have states of confusion. Someone is confused in thoughts, someone in emotions, someone generally feels like a hedgehog in a fog (by the way, my favorite therapeutic cartoon):)

When working with clients, I never stick to a linear strategy. You are a completely new person with a unique history. And even if we have known each other for 30 years, During the time that we did not see you, something happened, you met some people, thought about something and lived some feelings. You are not the same person you were yesterday. Therefore, a large part of the work is researching your history. Very often this is already enough for something to change. But there is even an earlier stage. This is the formation of the request.

"I feel bad" is not a request. This is the state. And the state is very uncertain. What do you mean bad? Isn't it bad? How good is it? There are many questions and they are extremely important. When you go to the store for boots for the winter - you imagine what must be present in winter boots, right? It's the same in psychotherapy. To "treat" this "I feel bad", the therapist must know what it means to be bad, what it means not bad and what it means to be good EXACTLY FOR YOU.

I offer you a homemade technique. By answering a few questions, you can understand yourself and your problem better, deeper and more holistically. And with this it is much faster and more efficient to work. As an illustration, here are some transcripts from sessions with the client. All data has been changed and permission has been taken from the client. Take advantage of the health experience of a person who is gradually defeating depression. We have been working with this client for two years already. The questions described are kind of like a start-up questionnaire that I posed to the client orally in the first session. The information helped me a lot, then I know what is happening with the client, how he reacts at different levels of his mental activity, how he copes, and what happens at the same time. A very large chunk of work has become more understandable and effective because of this.

Let's get started?

1. How are you feeling right now? What is dominant as a problem - thought? Emotion? Behavior? Physical sensation? Feel as much as possible the uncomfortable state that bothers you. And expand it as much as possible in your answer.

   For example, a person in a state close to depression, in my practice, answered this question as follows: now it is hard for me. This heaviness is felt as a physical sensation in the chest and abdomen. It’s like a big heavy stone and no one can come and take it off.

2. Was this the first time you had this feeling or was it before? (Perhaps it lasts for a while, try to remember from what age you remember it)

   The same client continued like this: it has been with me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes it gets stronger and heavier, sometimes it stays in the background. I don’t remember myself without him.

3. When you think / feel / feel / do this (problem) - what else is going on inside? Do you have thoughts? Do sensations and feelings appear? Are you doing something?

   The client answered like this: When there is a feeling of heaviness in the chest in the stomach, I begin to think about how unlucky I am, how unhappy and lonely I am in this world. I am constantly in a hurry … there is no life in this. But I can't help it.

4. When do these sensations / thoughts / feelings / behavior develop or arise? Is it usually due to the presence or absence of people? With any events around? How are you feeling? (Try also to fully disclose this problem for yourself)

   CL: I feel it especially acutely when I am alone and do nothing. When I have time, as they say, for myself (bitter laughter), this is the greatest torture for me. I'm starting to have something akin to panic.

5. Has it ever been different? What was different then?

   Client: sometimes, very rarely, when this state becomes the background, I can make contact with my mother. We have a very touching conversation with her when she hears me, and I understand that. Then I feel good. But then I feel just as bad.

6. How do you get used to dealing with this?

   Usually I go into activity, I start to work very hard. In fact, I work all the time that I have. Sometimes I start to actively go in for sports, or find myself a new hobby. At first I have a lot of energy. But as if without emotion.

7. And what happens at the end of this path? (how do avoidance efforts end?)

   Most often I get sick, or I can't wake up in the morning for a new activity. Then emptiness sets in. (There were several of my interventions regarding the development of the disease) … At some point I begin to feel that I no longer want to be so fast, but I cannot stop. This is a strong internal struggle and activity wins, usually the next day the temperature rises, or the pressure drops.

8. What would happen if you didn't? How would you feel? What would you think about? What would you do? (at least one of these questions will have an answer)

   I don't know … I would probably just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Yes, I would just become a vegetable. (…) I think I would think about what a lazy ass I am. I would be angry with myself. And then there would be emptiness.

9. If you could do anything for yourself in this state, what would it be? (Precisely for myself in this state, and not so that it was not there). Usually a very difficult question. Requires deliberation. Therefore, I usually break it down into a series of small discussions: did you have such a state once, what was important then, how did you manage then? If not, what could be important for a person in such a state?

   Once I didn't feel bad enough to stay at home, but somehow I didn't go to work. Then I was "covered" and I thought that I would go crazy. Thoughts flooded. Then I just lay there and stared at the ceiling. (…) I was alone and no one was needed. Although no, I would like to see my mother next to her with that look. (…) It is probably important that someone is near. But not very close. I failed, inside I still look at the ceiling. Even if I do.

10. How would you like to feel instead? What thoughts would accompany this? What could you do differently then?

    I would like to stop. I am constantly running and freezing at the same time. (…) If I stopped, I would like not to be afraid and not be angry with myself. Feel confident and calm.

Naturally, in a dialogue format, it was not one or even five sessions. We talked long and deeply about what I have outlined here in ten points. And in live communication it sounded differently. But the essence is the same and it really helped me and the client to build a contact and a contract. These are two important components in transactional analysis therapy. Contact is a space of trust and safety, where the client can speak and be himself, a contract is an agreement on how the work will take place and where we are moving. Through this questioning, I learned a lot about how the client experiences and copes, what he avoids and how he does it. And this is a big piece of work.

Naturally, each answer was rechecked many times and in the course of therapy the decision made in it was transformed. But from the very beginning (personally, in my opinion) the therapist's task is to "get into the shoes of the Client" as much as possible and understand what it means to be him.

My mentor once said an important phrase - "Don't forget that you don't know anything about the client."

I would be glad if this "little" technique will help you, Colleagues and you, dear Clients, to better understand yourself and the process.

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