2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Let's continue our conversation about family therapy, which I conduct on Skype with Russian-speaking clients all over the world.
This exercise can be used for couple therapy, in one-to-one counseling, and for independent work.
Once I used it in trainings for employees and managers of a large company, where I headed the Personnel Training and Development Department for many years.
I put people in pairs and asked one of them to introduce the other. If people didn't know much, for example, new employees, I gave them 5 minutes to briefly interview each other about the most important things for him.
The purpose of this exercise: look at yourself from the outside.
A task: see the difference between your own perception and the perception of another.
Usually, I start with this exercise my first acquaintance with a couple.
It happens like this:
I voice the rules of work:
- When speaking in the third person about a partner, calls him / her by name, not he / she.
- To evaluate not a person, but his actions, not "Vanya is not neat", but "Yesterday Ivan walked into the nursery in his boots, because he forgot his laptop there …"
- Avoid abstract judgments, such as: "We always have everything under control!", And give specific examples: "Masha checked my phone all the time …"
I ask each of the participants to tell not about themselves, but about their partner, alternately asking the following questions:
- What is the name of the partner. What do you usually call him / her?
- How many years have you been together and how long have you been married (if the marriage is registered)?
- Where and under what circumstances did you meet?
- What emotions did you experience when you met?
- What has changed in your relationship now?
- Are there children and how old are they? Are all children from this union? How does a partner treat children? What kind of father / mother is he (s)?
- What other relatives and close people constantly interact with your family?
- What would you like to improve in your relationship?
- If you rate your relationship on a scale of 0 to 10, how would you rate your relationship now?
- What do you think your relationship will be like when it is 10 points?
- What are you ready to do for this?
- What are you waiting for a partner?
- What will be the first step towards this goal?
- How long do you think it will take you to come to that relationship that you rated 10 points?
- What can you thank your partner for now?
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