2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This, of course, is not about "showdowns" and the presentation of claims, who owes what to whom and when did not give what.
It is important to have clarity and understanding at any stage of your life, what is your relationship with your mom? How does your relationship with your mom affect your life, what you are doing now? Are you following your path and your goals? Or are you still fulfilling your mother's dreams, wishes, values or her ideas, which may run counter to reality. Now the gap between our generation and the parent generation is colossal. It's not just gadgets. Our generation lives in a consumer society. He is characterized by the position - "take, because they owe me." I clarify right away that this does not mean that everyone lives like this.
For example, in a relationship with a mother, this manifests itself through expectations:
- mom should love me
- mom should take care of me
- Mom should support me when I feel bad or something does not work out
- mom should help me solve my problems
- Mom must pay me the coolest university if she wants a career for me
- Mom must, must, must …
And no matter how old a person is - 20 or 40 - on an unconscious level, these expectations can still live.
I often hear in my consultations: "life did not work out, it was bad with money or work, because my mother squeezed money for some university, she did not love enough, did not support at all" by the power of God, and the man himself, an accidental victim of the "wrong" mother.
What is the meaning of internal conflict here?
- it is difficult to see mom as she is
- stay in magical thinking that it is in the power of mom to make his fate successful
- not just look openly at yourself - what behavioral strategies he supports, what he is immersed in
- is at the mercy of templates, because in reality there is something unbearable for him
- the movement of love is interrupted
- cannot withstand emotional separation from mom
- not an opportunity to take responsibility for one's own destiny, there may be not just a lack of personality, but also energy
- a state of loneliness
This complex internal conflict is often disguised as the position "my mother owes me - owes me." And it is triggered in a person by the severe emotional trauma of rejection. A survival strategy is being formed, which manifests itself in all spheres of life, primarily in relations with the mother. After all, the position “mother must love, care, support” is nothing more than a packaged colossal aggressiveness, which, having not found a direct outlet, split a person's personality.
There may be several reasons:
- there was a ban on anger in the family
- in the family, parental authority was supported by prohibitions or violence
- there was a total depreciation of feelings and emotions in the family
By understanding what is happening in your relationship with your mom, you can determine which part of your personality you are stuck in - the inner child or the victim.
What strategies do you use in your life - devaluation, control, avoidance of reality.
What prohibitions do you support - on feelings, on expressing anger, on the ability to take better and more for yourself.
And, of course, start looking for a solution to all this.
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