10 Compelling Reasons Why You Can Understand The Prospect Of Your Relationship

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It is becoming more and more difficult for a modern girl to create a correct and strong family. Men grow up in single-parent families and lose the skills of correct male behavior, are subject to their mother's influence, have gambling, alcohol and drug addictions, are lazy to work, afraid of responsibility, passive in life, etc. But, since according to Rosstat data for 2018, there are 1156 women per 1000 men, then even for those men who are, girls have to fight and compete with each other. In these conditions, it is important for a girl, firstly, to know where and how to meet promising men and how to properly work on the development of relationships. Secondly, to know landmarks, guides, i.e. criteria for assessing relationships, according to which it is possible to understand in a timely manner (and not after three to five years): whether these relationships are developing towards marriage, or not, is there any point in losing their female time for a given man.

I answer the first question in my book "How to get married" (its reprint: "Where and how to find a man to create a family." how to list the 10 criteria that will allow a girl to understand whether her relationship with a man will develop towards a happy marriage, I want to immediately dispel several female myths. It is categorically not worth focusing on the following statements and actions of a man:

- To statements that they love you very much, want to start a family and desperately want children. These can be just male patterns - "admissions to the female body." As men say: "I took hold of a woman's breast - say something !!!". After all, in order to be with a girl, at least something needs to be said to her. What she wants to hear is desirable. All this your man said to girls before you, but it did not lead to anything good. Or led to the fact that the man had already abandoned the girl and the child. Or stole from her the best reproductive three to five to seven years of her female life. Moreover: a man can talk about love to some other girl, parallel to you. Or several at once.

- On the hasty willingness to live with you on your territory, or together with your or his parents (relatives). This can speak not only of the desire to start a family, but also of selfishness, infantilism, lack of independence, parasitism, etc.

- On his hasty offer to live on his territory (owned or rented). Behind this may be a desire to save money (if the apartment is rented, and you are asked to invest), or hurt the previous girl who moved out of him only recently.

In general, it is important for girls to understand: a reasonable man will not rush to start living with a girl in the very first days, weeks or months of dating! After all, a reasonable man is responsible: he doesn’t want to blame himself later that he “ditched and abandoned” the girl after living with her. He will not rashly conduct "reconnaissance in force", as it is too expensive. Therefore, he will first appreciate the girl, her potential and comfort for himself, just meeting with her and periodically spending the night together. Only then will they offer to come together, and, preferably, on their own territory.

- On the fact of your acquaintance with his friends and colleagues. They may already know a lot of his girls before your appearance, they will get acquainted with his girls after the break of your connection. These are his friends: they will understand everything.

- On the fact of his acquaintance with your girlfriends: he can be just sociable in principle. Plus, tomorrow he may start a relationship and create a relationship with one of them.

- His too active participation in your life, when a man is just next to you: he takes you somewhere by car, meets you, accompanies you, etc. When they immediately grabbed you with both hands and you are together from morning to evening, it means that the man simply heals himself with you from the "former", fills the void in his soul with you. And having been cured by you, you may no longer need you in the future. Or not to recover and return to your "ex".

If you are bored of reading, you can watch my video advice

Quite often, it turns out that a man simply has nothing to do: he does not have a permanent job or cares about his job duties carelessly. As you understand, this does not provide for stability of behavior in marriage and career and financial growth.

- The fact that he borrows your money from you. Thus, a man does not attach himself to you, as naive girls often think. Most often, this is a sign of the general problem of a man and his unreliability as a partner in the future.

If we discard unreliable criteria, what do I still advise you to focus on? So:

10 benchmarks for assessing the prospects of a relationship:

1) the gradual increase in the amount of time spent together

During the first three months, the frequency and duration of your meetings gradually increases. This means that your man does not make impulsive, but informed decisions in your favor. If you have been assigned a tight schedule according to the scheme - Monday and Thursday or Tuesday and Friday, there may be girls who have different days.

2. Do you have weekends and holidays for men

If meetings with you take place only on weekdays, and on weekends and holidays your man, allegedly, is always at the dacha, at his parents, or at work, perhaps something is wrong. Either there is another girl, or a wife, or he is overly dependent on parents and friends. All of this can be a problem.

3. Your vacation is shared or separate

If your man plans to spend a vacation only with you, or he takes the initiative to join the vacation that you yourself planned before you met, this is great. If a man says that you need to rest from each other, he strongly supports the idea of a separate holiday, this greatly reduces the prospects of this connection from the point of view of creating a family.

4. Do you have the right to call and write at any time of the day or night

Including - making video calls. If you have such a right, and the man is always in touch with you, this is good. If after 20.00 his phone is turned off or you are rarely answered and not immediately answered, there may be other girls, or a wife, or you are simply not a priority.

5. Do you have the right to go out together?

If a man is not afraid to go out with you to shopping and entertainment complexes, to walk with you in other public places (parks, embankments, central streets, etc.) - this is a good sign that he sees himself with you. If you just ride a car with him and from the restaurant go straight to bed in his apartment or hotel, then this relationship can be frivolous.

6. Do you have the right to position yourself together on social networks

If your man is happy to take selfies with you, does not mind posting these joint photos in your social media account, he puts them on his page - this is a great sign. If communication with you, according to the man's intention, should be hidden from prying eyes, it is possible that making this relationship serious is not part of his plans.

7. Is there transparency of your man's activities, income and phone number

Everything is simple here: the less secrets your friend has from you, the higher his willingness to start a family with you. If, after many months of your communication, you still do not understand what your man is doing, how much he earns and where he spends, with whom he communicates, who calls and writes to him - such relationships are rarely comfortable for girls and lead to a happy marriage with great difficulty.

8. Does the man invest in you financially?

As a psychologist, I do not support men who buy their authority over women for money; I do not support women who wish to live their lives as a kept woman. But since the birth of children still provides for a certain period of life when a woman will be financially dependent on her husband, the assessment of a man's financial behavior matters. Therefore, if your man himself pays for your general cultural program (cafe, cinema, travel, travel, ice cream, etc.), does not come to visit you empty-handed, periodically gives you gifts, financially participates in some of your projects, then this is a good sign. If a man is greedy, or openly parasitizes on your finances, there is little point in holding on to him.

9. A man's readiness to live independently from his parents

As a psychologist, I am sure that a healthy man after the age of 23 (in extreme cases, after reaching 25 years) should definitely live separately from his parents. Therefore, having created a relationship with a girl who was still living at this point in time with her parents (other relatives), a man should come to grips with the issue of creating his own family nest. Rent, mortgage, service housing - everything to help him. But sliding down, according to the scheme: “I met a girl while living in a rented apartment, and then invited her to live either with his parents or with her parents, usually indicates that the man does not fulfill the standards of correct male behavior. (Exception: staying with parents for a short time, if renovations are underway in their own home or if the parents need daily care for health reasons). If a man comes to live on the territory of his girlfriend, he must, firstly, start investing in this housing financially, and secondly, in the coming years, make every effort to expand the living space by making the property joint.

10. General initiative of men

The optimal man himself should start a conversation about some big common projects: spending the next weekend or vacation, purchasing or renovating a car, repairing an apartment, purchasing furniture, planning a vacation, living together, marriage and childbirth. If everything happens only at the initiative of the woman and under her direct pressure, this is a bad recommendation for marriage. Such a man will later declare to the mother of his child: "I never loved you, we forced me to marry, now I finally fell in love with another and leave you." You need it?

Actually, that's all. Further, the logic is simple: the more of these points fits your pair, the better. If out of this “ten” very little suits you, I advise you to think about and audit your relationship. Including understand:

- whether there are your own female behavioral mistakes in this relationship (or you traditionally make such mistakes in all respects);

- what systemic psychological problems there are in your man;

- what exactly and how exactly can be corrected and improved in your relationship

How to conduct this audit is described in my books How to Get Married and How to Assess the Strength of Your Marriage. I advise you to read them: it will help not only your female development, but also improve relationships, first in your couple, and then in your family!