How To Behave If There Is Grief Nearby?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-31 14:10

we have a problem, houston

just come on without lies for salvation,

otherwise, immediately hang up.

"everything will be fine!" - the worst consolation, much better "I do not know what will happen next, but I will live it with you."

Ok Melnikov

In the life of every person, there are situations when we find ourselves next to those who are going through difficult times and suffer, who need support and consolation, with those who really want to help, but do not know how to choose the right words, what to talk about, how to be close to those who feel bad, whose soul is on fire, for whom the beauty of God's world has faded.

You don't prepare for such situations in advance, they take you by surprise - a person in grief, confusion and despair appears in front of you, and just here and now you need to provide support, show participation and care, and, sincerely wanting to do all this, a person can to be disoriented, because at most, we are all focused on household chores, positive aspects of life, avoiding thoughts of

The moment of meeting grief is the moment of disorientation. Being next to the grieving person, there is a great chance to feel empty, useless and not knowing anything. To those who do not know, yes, this is not taught in school, and we often underestimate the abilities of the human heart, we believe that we can be useful only through knowledge. Of course, there are people who have a strong energy of consolation, wisdom, mental tact, who lead them and make the process of interaction with the grieving one healing for the latter. But, in some cases, avoiding thoughts of problems and tragedies, a person is not ready to interact with someone who has a problem or misfortune.

The emerging text is a reaction to the request of a woman whom I had to consult somehow. The fact is that a woman who asked me how to behave with a young colleague, whose father suddenly died, showed extreme concern and complete disorientation in her questions. The woman said that before calling me, she decided to read the recommendations of psychologists on the Internet how to behave if there is a grieving person nearby, but everything she found did not give her an answer on what to do.

After our conversation, the anxiety has decreased significantly, but I still have a question, how is this woman, whom I remember interesting, intelligent, sensitive, who turned to me for advice in connection with problems with her teenage son, who saw the "effect" of the problem in her son, and the cause of the problem in itself (which can be found not so often) was completely suppressed by its failure. After that, I independently made an attempt to find on the Internet any information related to mourning issues, abstracting as much as possible from all my knowledge. My surprise was reinforced when I easily found quite a few publications, recommendations and advice from colleagues, written in a simple, accessible and clever way. What's the matter? Why, having read about grief and what line of behavior to follow, the one who turned to me remained blind and helpless. I believe the answer lies in distrusting your heart and overestimating knowledge. This story is the reason for the emergence of my impulse to create another text on how to be if there is someone who is grieving nearby. Does it make sense to write "one more" text? The answer resounds in me with a resolute "YES".

What do you need to know about grief and how does it relate to this process? Grief is a reaction to the loss of a significant object, the essence of which is universal, unchanging and does not depend on what a person has lost. The duration and intensity of grieving differ depending on the significance of the lost object and the personality traits of the grieving person. The work of grief is the most difficult work, it cannot be transferred to another, you cannot hire an employee, you cannot ask a friend or relative to do it for yourself. Grief work is the process by which a person works with the pain of loss, while gaining a sense of balance and fulfillment of life. This process is natural and necessary. One of the main tasks of grief is not" title="Image" />

After our conversation, the anxiety has decreased significantly, but I still have a question, how is this woman, whom I remember interesting, intelligent, sensitive, who turned to me for advice in connection with problems with her teenage son, who saw the "effect" of the problem in her son, and the cause of the problem in itself (which can be found not so often) was completely suppressed by its failure. After that, I independently made an attempt to find on the Internet any information related to mourning issues, abstracting as much as possible from all my knowledge. My surprise was reinforced when I easily found quite a few publications, recommendations and advice from colleagues, written in a simple, accessible and clever way. What's the matter? Why, having read about grief and what line of behavior to follow, the one who turned to me remained blind and helpless. I believe the answer lies in distrusting your heart and overestimating knowledge. This story is the reason for the emergence of my impulse to create another text on how to be if there is someone who is grieving nearby. Does it make sense to write "one more" text? The answer resounds in me with a resolute "YES".

What do you need to know about grief and how does it relate to this process? Grief is a reaction to the loss of a significant object, the essence of which is universal, unchanging and does not depend on what a person has lost. The duration and intensity of grieving differ depending on the significance of the lost object and the personality traits of the grieving person. The work of grief is the most difficult work, it cannot be transferred to another, you cannot hire an employee, you cannot ask a friend or relative to do it for yourself. Grief work is the process by which a person works with the pain of loss, while gaining a sense of balance and fulfillment of life. This process is natural and necessary. One of the main tasks of grief is not

The work of grief goes through several stages: the initial phase is shock and numbness; search phase; acute grief phase; phase of residual shocks and reorganization; completion phase.

The supportive role of the social environment.

The supportive environment (relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors) plays a large role in performing a number of important tasks of grief work. As mentioned above, this is a work that cannot be shifted to another, but this work can be shared with the grieving person, it can be facilitated, and made effective.

Grieving alone is an almost impossible task.

What can we do for the grieving person? First, take care of basic human needs (food, rest), second, show compassion and understanding, and third, share the feelings of the grieving person.

In order to support the grieving person, the supportive environment must understand and accept the nature and purpose of grief:

- grief is a natural process, it cannot be slowed down;

- in order for the grieving one to get out of grief, he must go through it;

- grief is work;

- in order to get out of grief healthy, you need an open expression of feelings;

- the work of grief cannot be accelerated;

- grief has a beginning and an end;

-effective work of grief is impossible alone.

Standard sayings (clichés) that should be avoided: "Everything is God's will" - here you need to be guided by the religious views of the grieving person. God often arouses anger in a grieving person, not everyone agrees with such a will. “God chooses the best” - if God was good and man was good, then he had to be immortal. Rather, it suggests that God is not good, or that he does not exist, or that man is bad. Not everyone shares this rationalization - "God takes the best first." “Time heals” - a person is not able to look into the future, moreover, some people believe that “heals” means forgetting, betraying the deceased. “I understand you well” - can also be perceived negatively, since a person believes that his grief is unique, which no one is able to understand. However, here I want to draw your attention to the fact that these recommendations, which "clichés" not to use, are also "clichés" that need to be taken into account, taken into account, but do not treat them as an infallible truth. So, for example, the last cliché "I understand you well" can really be perceived as I have already described; but if these words are said by a mother who has lost a child, to another mother who has overtaken the same misfortune, this can create a real space of understanding and compassion.

A person in grief should not be left alone, but you should not overload him with your presence, visits or phone calls. A person in grief needs constant but not intrusive visits and good listeners. One of the conditions for dealing with grief is being able to talk about the loss. A grieving person wants to talk about the loss, about its cause and about his feelings, repeating the same thing over and over in the smallest detail. Support consists in being an attentive listener, giving the opportunity to express your emotions, not evaluating, not trying to persuade. Often people avoid talking about the deceased, it seems to us that we should not remind him once again, we think that this is how we take care of the grieving person. In fact, those who grieve need to be asked about the loss, asked to tell a story about a deceased person, about his characteristics, habits, etc. With such questions we do not traumatize, but show empathy and interest in the life lived.

Great support for the grieving, concentrated in our hands; by touching another, we show our care and attention, through touch you can say more than through words.