2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Tell me, if there are any signals that a parent should know?
- My child seems to have been replaced!
- I told him the words - he's ten for me, and then what?
These and many questions are often asked by parents.
Anxiety - isn't it? It's like flying in an airplane and getting into a zone of turbulence - it shakes everyone without exception. And at these moments, parents can lose control and feel not like experienced "pilots", but helpless passengers - it's time to use help and support.
First, you need to define who the adolescents are?
And these are all the same boys and girls, only who are in a transitional stage of development between childhood and adulthood. And this very period starts on average from 11-12 years and ends at 21-23.
According to my work experience, the peak of parents' appeal to a psychologist falls on the age of 13-16 years. All because this period is the so-called peak adolescent crisis.
And any crisis (ancient Greek κρίσις - solution; turning point)
- this means that the old attitudes, rules, conditions should be replaced by others, corresponding to the tasks and needs of the new period. Simply put - everything that was suitable and necessary for a child does not correspond to the needs of an adult.
So what is it that a teenager should learn and acquire?
The central neoplasm for a teenager is SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS - the inner feeling of oneself as an individual. The so-called worldview and self-determination - Who am I? What I can? What is my purpose in life? What's my life plan?
Wow! - many of you will say, - Yes, not every adult will answer these questions! And you will be partly right, because formally you can divide your life into stages, but not everyone succeeds in completing tasks "on time".
But let's leave this reasoning for everyone's personal psychotherapy and focus on what and how our adolescents will face.
To answer these questions, the following should be formed:
· Formal-logical intelligence, that is, the ability to think and reason independently, and not receive a chewed surrogate from parents and adults;
· Divergent, that is, creative thinking - the search for many solutions to the same problem (you can watch the film of the same name "Divergent" with your child)
· Reflection - roughly speaking, this is what distinguishes people from animals, the ability to reason and comprehend our own actions, thoughts, feelings and emotions, and also thanks to reflection we can not only know something, but also know about our knowledge.
More on how to shape, develop, and maintain these features in the next article.
So, now, using knowledge and ATTENTION, formal-logical intelligence and hypothetical-deductive thinking (and they are developed with us, if we are adults!) We are trying to answer the questions that bother us.
- Sits in his room and does not go out - what is he doing there?
In many ways, this is the norm, since the only way to "digest" the information received and form your opinion is to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. However, you need to be guided by the situation. Alienation from the family and symptoms such as deterioration of health, frequent absences from school, lack of contact with the outside world are a signal for parents to understand the situation, help, and possibly turn to specialists.
- Doesn't listen, argue how to behave?
Any dispute is an attempt to defend your innocence, your opinion. And since it is just being formed in a teenager, the only thing that is bright and understandable is the parents and the family with their own attitudes, rules and laws.
Here, within the family - in safety and unconditional acceptance - one of the main dramas of growing up unfolds!
What is important for parents is to remain resilient and at the same time expand the boundaries of control and requirements:
· You are entitled to your opinion if it does not offend another.
· Your room is your space, if it does not create chaos in the whole apartment.
· Your appearance is your right, but hygiene and moderation come first.
And so on, since adolescents are often "brought in", it is important to clearly but not rigidly set boundaries, not to succumb to outbursts of aggression (so typical of adolescents).
But what to do if you did not restrain yourself - flared up, punished? The only relevant advice is reflection. After the "storm has died down" inside and out, think in private, why did this happen? We are all human beings and have a right to emotions and feelings.
- anger
- fatigue
- anxiety
- restrained pride, etc.
And having understood what happened, it is easier to find a way out - to apologize or discuss, listen to or make a decision.
The teenage crisis can be compared to turbulence - therefore, it is important to get out of the conditions of "autopilot" and keep the wheel in your hands - while staying calm, confident and acting according to the situation:
- do not give in to panic
- keep composure
- support and gently guide
- and most importantly, believe that this period will definitely end.
And finally, I would like to quote Erm Bombek, writer and journalist:
"A child needs your love most of all when he least deserves it."
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