Cheating On Her Husband. Male Gaze

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Cheating is painful. Always. And it is painful precisely because it almost physically breaks those spiritual ties between spouses, trust and love without which it is almost impossible

Contrary to popular belief, a sufficient number of unfaithful men feel guilty about their own infidelity as a betrayal. But each of them cope with this guilt in their own way. And if the former strive with all their might to hide the very fact of this act, then the latter begin to torment themselves with thoughts of repenting to their spouse, at the same time being afraid of losing her forever. Of course, there are those for whom betrayal is just "the male's adventures to the left" raising an already overestimated self-esteem, but this is almost a character trait that can only be resigned to.

What, apart from albeit short-term irresponsibility, pushes a man to cheat? As a rule, the most frequent form of betrayal is an almost spontaneous attempt by an experienced husband to change his established role in life, which has become insipid and tasteless for him, for something exciting in a new way. He, as it were, suddenly gives himself the right to live in some other reality, which he lacks so much in his long-standing family relationships. Such a betrayal may turn out to be "one-off", it is more like "betrayal of relationships" than "betrayal of your own wife." It is in such cases that we manage to restore relations in the family, eventually returning to them the original "fire" and the tenderness of the spouses for each other. Yes, with a psychologist, yes, not right away, but I succeed.

It is more difficult when the betrayal becomes something conscious and deliberate, when the so-called places, passwords and appearances are prepared in advance. This is "cheating on his wife" in its purest form. Here there is a desire to replace one person, who has become uninteresting in all plans, with another, with whom everything is in a new way, and therefore in a different way. At the same time, it may seem to a man that now he has truly found his own, that the whole past was a mistake, which he corrects. For a wife who finds out about such a betrayal, and at the same time feels betrayed and humiliated, this situation is most painful.

Here, hatred arises, mixed with resentment and pain for the person whom she, as often happens, still loves. It is precisely such situations that drag on for months, or even years, without giving anyone of its participants the opportunity to become happy.

If for a man cheating is more often the superficial physical side of the relationship on the side, then for a woman it is an emotional and deep connection. Therefore, betrayal for a woman is so palpable. This is where the question “For what? What have I done wrong to you?”, To which there is almost no answer. He is not there because a man is not even cheating on his wife, but on his relationship with his wife, for which he, even forgetting about it, bears his male responsibility. This means that it is not the husband that needs to be returned, but those relations of mutual trust and acceptance, which will become the basis of the "overloaded" love.

At the first stage, both spouses need to cope with those destructive emotions that can harm even more than the betrayal itself. At the same time, negative emotions and feelings must be lived through and left behind, since in your joint future they will become the main obstacle, over and over again returning you to a state of pain and resentment.

When all the "negativity" on both sides will be thrown out (preferably, without prejudice to children, parents of both spouses and other caring people), it makes sense to change the painful question that pulls back into the past "Why did this happen to me?" and constructive, already directed towards the future - "Why did this happen to us?" And here the spouses can see a whole spectrum of unresolved problems, for the solution of which this situation arose. This means that they will see those goals to which they go hand in hand - to Love, Understanding and Shared Happiness.

In those families where every moment of the relationship is remembered about this, there is no time for betrayal.

Skobelkin Artyom

crisis psychologist, speech therapist