2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Cheating is an event in a person's life that is always experienced quite difficult. First of all, it directly affects self-esteem. How can it be increased and strengthened after such a violent shock in life?
1. Stop blaming yourself for what happened, for treason and betrayal. In this case, you are the victim. In general, there can be two main reasons for this behavior of a partner - his actions are partially justified by your behavior, and the partner is by nature prone to cheating.
If a person is not satisfied with something in a partnership, he can directly say about it or try to “reach out” to the consciousness of his partner in some other way. Your direct fault in such behavior is not, and self-flagellation will only complicate your situation and further shake the already unstable mental balance.
You can carefully analyze the situation, remember certain moments of life together when you could not fully satisfy the needs and desires of your partner. However, it is worth understanding for yourself that any person is imperfect and has every right to be incompetent in any issue / business.
Perhaps you cannot give the person an overwhelming feeling of love or over-caring (these skills are not developed at a high level), and the partner is offended, not understanding the tone or reaction.
Each person is individual, and it is important to choose a life partner for yourself in accordance with your character and being. The ideal option is when people "get into the grooves" of each other's gears, but this does not always work out.
So, a partner may be dissatisfied with something, but your dissatisfaction can be expressed in various ways, and this is his direct fault, so be sure to allow yourself to get angry, throw out your resentment, express bitterness and indignation to friends and acquaintances - this is a completely normal reaction. Guilt, on the contrary, destroys you from the inside, turning all the mobilized energy against yourself, causing yourself what you would like to do to the wrong partner (this process is called retroflection in psychology).
2. Don't compare yourself to your rival / rival.
Perhaps in some ways she / he was better, but each of us has our own advantages and disadvantages. Cheating does not occur because someone's merits are worse, but more demerits - these are completely unrelated things. You need to take yourself, your strengths and weaknesses for granted.
Confront your negative thoughts. For example: “It all happened due to a lack of attention on my part” - “I paid as much attention as I could; "It was necessary to hug and kiss him more" - "No, my affection and care was quite enough." You must clearly understand that at that moment you did everything possible, and this is not a reason for betrayal.
The responsibility for cheating lies directly with the partner who abused your trust. However, here it is worthwhile to clearly understand that trusting someone does not mean being weak and defenseless, so you should not give up on the sincerity and devotion of the opposite sex ("That's it. I won't trust anyone else!"). The one who betrayed is to blame, and there is nothing wrong with trusting your partner. Of no small importance is the admission of your mistake to yourself (“Yes, I trusted this person!”), But then it is worth drawing conclusions and learning to look closely at people before opening your soul.
3. Make a list of your strengths.
Focus only on the best and kindest that you have as a person - what you do for other people, what is useful to bring to this world, why you are such a wonderful person. It is advisable to exaggerate all your positive qualities, and it is better to make a list every day (even if the points will be repeated). The more recognition you give to yourself, the less self-flagellation you will have.
4. Surround yourself with positive and optimistic people who can always protect you from negative thoughts, emotions and experiences, self-flagellation, will be happy to listen and help.
In no case should you be closed in yourself - this is the period when a person most of all needs contact. Find a patient friend / girlfriend who can listen to the same whining for hours and repeat in response that it is not your fault, you are worthy of love and trust. Often, in such a state, a person does not have the strength to resist his own negative thoughts and words, so it is so important to have someone close to you nearby who can support. Some people try to get away from thinking and worrying by surrounding themselves with a crowd that will entertain them.
However, this is not a way out of the current situation - in this case, it will be a repression of experiences, and they can drag on for years. It is necessary to work on the experienced impressions here and now - to analyze, relive and draw appropriate conclusions. The best option is to share your experiences in contact with other people, then there are fewer of them in your soul.
Be sure to communicate with the opposite sex (go on a date, flirt with someone, etc.). If the relationship has been broken, take some time to understand yourself and understand - who you like, what type you like, what qualities are your strengths and weaknesses.
This approach will strengthen self-esteem, and the opinion of the other person will not affect her in any way.
You don't need to make your partner the center of the Universe, concentrating all your support and resources in it. The center of the universe must be in you! You should not be afraid of parting, especially if your partner hurts you - you can find a worthy person at any age, with any appearance and possessing any character. It all starts with yourself - take for granted your strengths and weaknesses, especially in character and learn to respect yourself, do not take the blame on yourself and constantly develop self-esteem. Some people find it difficult to get to know themselves (if there is no mirroring), in which case they need a person next to them who will tell you what positive character traits they have ("And you are kind, warm, interesting, etc."), which is why many turn to psychologist - one session can turn your whole life upside down and make it an order of magnitude better!
5. Develop and learn new things.
This is a great period to learn something new, find yourself and understand what makes you more energy. Relatively speaking, development is what the betrayal happened for. As a rule, experiencing vivid emotions can become a kind of "awakening factor" in your life, you will begin to perceive yourself more realistically, define a hierarchy of values, understand what exactly you need from life, what is acceptable and bad, what life experience is worth repeating.
Treason will allow you to analyze in detail the past and present of your soul, rethink the values and moral approaches to life. As a result, a person will never again allow himself to be devalued as a person and trampled on his self-esteem. Yes, the experiences are painful, but you will not feel completely destroyed and overwhelmed, and the awareness of your own “I” will remain, thanks to a clear understanding of who I am, where I am coming from and in which direction I am moving.
In this way, identity is nurtured, because self-esteem is either elevated or underestimated, and the partner is just an indicator of it (if his actions affect your self-esteem, then the problem arose much earlier).
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