2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Before, people asked global questions.
- To be or not to be?
- Who's guilty?
- What to do?
Today fewer and fewer people are asking such questions. It seems that all the answers have been found and all that remains is to put them into practice. And the answers are:
- Pleasure to be.
- Who cares.
- Enjoy!
Do not be sad, do not worry, do not think, do not bother and, in no case, under any circumstances, even when you really, really need to - DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS either to yourself or to others. Enjoy.
Our hero believes in this idea and therefore the main goal in his life is to get this very pleasure. He makes this choice at an unconscious age. His parents are very happy when their baby is happy and happy and cannot stand it when the baby is unhappy. They say "our baby suffers so much when we do not allow him to do something, and therefore we allow him everything." It seems to them that their child will not be able to survive the prohibition or refusal on their part. He has no chance to learn to withstand the limitations that are encountered in everyone on the path of life.
Thus, the child does not know what is “not allowed”, “must”, “strives”, “make efforts”, “hear another”, “make friends”, “love”, “give”, “rejoice”, “learn” and etc.
Such a child knows very well what “I want,” “I need,” “I’m angry,” “I’m angry,” and “manipulation” (“I don’t love you if you don’t give it to me”, “I I’m not friends with you if you don’t do that for me”,).
He is a virtuoso of manipulation. This is his main tool. All in order to get pleasure, because it is the only meaning of his life. Such people are called narcissists.
It is difficult for a narcissist to build relationships with people. In fact, he doesn't need relationships with others. He enters into relationships with other people only in order to get his own pleasure. Rather, he manipulates relationships in order to feel pleasure. Therefore, it is not for him, but for others it is difficult to establish relations with such a person.
So why even enter into a relationship with such a person, and even more so to maintain them?
This is the focus. Anyone who enters into a relationship with a narcissist needs love and support. He wants approval and acceptance. There was very little love, support, approval or acceptance in his life. The manipulation will be built on this shortage.
First, our hero "lifts you up to heaven", you feel like a special and unique person. They need you, they listen to you, they are interested in you, they value you, they take care of you, and then … you are controlled, you are suspected, you are accused, you are threatened and, most importantly, you are devalued.
Such a "mess" of conflicting feelings is mixed up. It is difficult to immediately understand what is going on? A very abrupt change. As if he loves, appreciates, cannot live without you, but at the same time easily falls into anger, rage, accusations and threats.
But, you remember how he "lifted you up to heaven." I would like to go there one more time. It is only necessary and-s-p-r-a-in-and-t-s-s-I and everything will be the same. The fight for his love begins. You try harder and harder, and the relationship gets worse and worse. You are trapped. The feeling of "running in a circle" becomes familiar and familiar. The question is brewing so is it possible to return the time when he "lifted you up to heaven"
Unfortunately not possible.
The narcissist is incapable of love, he is capable of manipulation.
The narcissist is incapable of being responsible, he is capable of manipulating.
The narcissist is not able to respect your boundaries, desires, needs, he is able to manipulate.
It is not narcissists who come to therapy, but those who have suffered in relationships with them. Work in such cases will be aimed at
- rehabilitation of his image of Ya.
- awareness of your inner resources and how to use them in order to provide yourself with support
- analysis of their desires, which were projected in the relationship
- analysis of why the narcissist was chosen and how you fall for his manipulations
- search for new opportunities when realizing your desires
Upon completion of such work, it becomes possible to build relationships on a completely different level. True love, responsibility and mutual respect appear in relationships.
Alla Kishchinskaya
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