2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Nothing is more damaging to self-confidence and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is more insidious and subtle. In some cases, neither the abuser nor the victim is fully aware that this is already happening.
In fact, emotional abuse can occur in any relationship - between parent and child, between friends, relatives, colleagues …
So what is emotional abuse? It includes regular "verbal crime", threatening, bullying behavior and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics of intimidation, ridicule and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate another person, and quite often this happens because the offender, having childhood wounds and traumas, abuses it himself, inflicting exactly the same trauma on the partner.
Abusers have not learned healthy coping mechanisms, how to have positive, healthy relationships. Instead, they feel anger, pain, fear, and powerlessness.
Men and women who abuse emotional abuse tend to have high rates of personality disorder, including borderline, narcissistic, antisocial, or paranoid disorder. These disorders are comorbid and often occur in combination. Although emotional abuse does not always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse almost always precedes and accompanies emotional abuse.
Victims of violence often do not perceive abuse as offensive. They develop defense mechanisms such as denial and minimizing suffering so that stress can be more easily dealt with. But the consequences of long-term emotional abuse can cause severe emotional trauma in the victim, depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
If you're not sure what this destructive behavior looks like, here is Berry Davenport's classification:
30 signs of emotional abuse
1. They humiliate you, often in public.
2. They regularly ignore your opinions, ideas, suggestions or needs.
3. They use sarcasm or teasing to humiliate you or make you feel bad about yourself.
4. They accuse you of being "too sensitive" to distract you from their offensive remarks.
5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.
6. They are trying to correct your behavior or chastise you for it.
7. You feel that you need permission to make some decisions or, for example, permission to just go out somewhere.
8. They try to control finances and how you spend your money.
9. They humiliate and devalue you, your achievements, your hopes and dreams.
10. They try to make you feel like they are always right and you are not.
11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or show judgment through body language.
12. They regularly point out your mistakes or shortcomings.
13. They accuse you of things that did not exist or these accusations do not correspond to reality.
14. They do not know how to laugh at themselves and cannot stand when others laugh at them.
15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.
16. When making excuses for their behavior, they try to blame others and have difficulty apologizing.
17. Regularly violate your boundaries and ignore your requests.
18. They blame you for their problems, difficulties or misfortunes.
19. They call you unpleasant names, label you unpleasant, or make harsh remarks.
twenty. They are emotionally distant, cold, or emotionally unavailable most of the time.
21. They draw distorted conclusions about what they see in order to get attention or get what they want.
22. They don't show you empathy or compassion.
23. They play the victim and try to put the blame on you, rather than take personal responsibility.
24. They walk away, neglect you or leave you to punish or intimidate you.
25. They do not notice your feelings and do not care about them.
26. They see you as an extension of themselves, not as a person.
27. They use sex as a way to control and control. For example, reduce the amount to a minimum.
28. They share personal information about you with others.
29. They deny their emotionally abusive behavior.
30. They subtly, indirectly threaten you or make negative remarks in order to intimidate or control you.
If you see any of the signs of emotional abuse in your relationship, you must be honest with yourself first. You will be able to regain control of your own life, stop the abuse, and begin to recover. The first step can be painful and intimidating.
The stress of emotional abuse will eventually catch up with you in the form of illness, emotional trauma, depression, or anxiety. You simply cannot allow the abuse to continue, even if it means the end of the relationship. I can help you navigate pain and fear and work with you until your self-esteem is restored.
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