7 Signs Of An Abusive Psychologist: How To Recognize Abuse

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are professions that are somehow connected with trust, and therefore with vulnerability: the patient is vulnerable to the doctor, the student to the teacher, the victim to the rescuer, the client to the psychologist. And where there is vulnerability, there is another side of the coin - power. Where there is power, there is always a danger of abuse of it.

Abuse or abuse, can take different forms - manipulation, use for selfish purposes, exploitation, violence, and be of different types - physical, sexual, economic, psychological.

Whatever the option of abuse, he has common features:

- you are influenced without your voluntary consent;

- this effect gives some kind of benefit to the abuser;

- this interaction traumatizes and destroys the one who is affected.

So how might this look like?

1. The psychologist provides or seeks to provide assistance without a request from the client

Often this is done by those who consider themselves psychologists, but in fact they are not - they have learned somewhere, but do not work, and consider psychology to be a "way of life." If you are not someone's client, and you are offered to "analyze" your feelings, they persistently press on your pain points, and if you refuse to do this, they accuse you of "resistance" - this has nothing to do with psychological help. It is a violation of your boundaries and emotional abuse, and you are dealing with an abuser.

The same applies to situations when a working psychologist forgets that he is no longer in the office, and "heals" everyone in a row.

Subject to ethical rules and professional standards, the work of a psychologist begins only when and when the client asks for it or gives its consent.

2. The psychologist violates personality boundaries

If your psychologist requires self-disclosure and complete trust from you, for which you are not ready; invades the territory where you would not like to let; behaves tactlessly and unceremoniously; hurts unnecessarily; exerts pressure, raises his voice, insults - it means that the psychologist violates the boundaries of your personality and, perhaps, is trying to destroy them. Rushing relationships and using force and power are characteristics of abusers.

3. The psychologist does not give the client the opportunity to say "no"

You are not ready to talk on some topic and inform the psychologist about it, but he does not take it into account, but simply continues to work in this direction and does not discuss it with you; you ask to stop, but you are not heard; you disagree with the psychologist, and in return you receive anger, "punishment" of ignoring or a threat; your advocacy of your point of view causes irritation, anger or verbal aggression in the psychologist.

Ignoring the fact that the other has the right to his own opinion and his desires, as well as punishment for "willfulness" - one of the main tools of the abuser.

4. The psychologist arranges for the client an emotional "swing" or an emotional "needle"

These signs are not always obvious and easily distinguishable, but these are important characteristics of the relationship between the abuser and the victim: an unpredictable alternation of devaluing criticism and praise, softness and harshness, as well as putting the client on the "needle" of rewards and stroking, coupled with the threat of losing the "most understanding" specialist or to be rejected by the "best therapeutic school" - actions that allow you to hook a person in need of recognition, involvement in something and approval, and thus make him unfree and dependent.

5. The psychologist applies gaslighting

“I don’t know what you are unhappy with. I’m only five minutes late,” says the psychologist, and you feel guilty for being overly demanding.“Normal people do not feel what you are now feeling,” the psychologist reacts to your feelings, and you begin to doubt the adequacy of your emotions. “You don’t want to open up in front of the group, which means that you are an arrogant person who does not know how to build relationships,” and you feel your inferiority and shame.

This is what gaslighting looks like - a special form of psychological violence in which the abuser deliberately behaves as if the victim is not all right. Even for an emotionally stable person, this is a serious destructive factor - such an impact can cause a shift in the perception of oneself and doubts about one's own normality.

6. The psychologist enters into or seeks to enter into a sexual relationship with a client

It would seem that everything has been said on this topic. However, the real situation shows that this needs to be talked about and talked about.

So, sexual relations with a client are unacceptable. And the point. There is not a single direction in psychology that would allow an intimate relationship with a client. A large number of studies have been carried out confirming the serious harm that such a relationship can cause to the client. Moreover, I believe there is not a single psychologist who does not know about it. So all the maxims like "this will help us establish even more confidence", "for successful therapy we must be absolutely close" and "free sex will prove that you are a free person" - a brazen and quite deliberate lie for the purpose of manipulation and abuse.

7. The psychologist uses direct physical violence against his client

Physical restraint against the will of a person, bondage, imitation of rape, coercion of sex and similar violent actions are not and cannot be therapeutic exercises. Please remember this, even if charismatic presenters of various psycho-trainings tell you about the supposedly beneficial effect. This is not therapy or psychology. This is violence and nothing more.

How to deal with this?

The difficulty in identifying abuser psychologists is that victims of abuse often do not regard the actions of abusers as abuse and violence, and accept this as the norm, and sometimes as a blessing. The second difficulty is that very often the abusers are "wolves in sheep's clothing" and they know how to veil manifestations of violence competently and subtly. However, not everything is hopeless, and it is possible to identify the abuser.

In addition to relying on the signs I have described, it makes sense to periodically test any of your relationships - including your relationship with a psychologist, using the following questions:

1. Do I want what is happening in this relationship now? Am I participating in the process or is something being done to me apart from my desire and my will? Can I stop it whenever I want?

2. Does it do me any good? Are my interests taken into account in this relationship?

3. What is happening makes me more whole? Or is it destroying me? How am I in this relationship at all - am I safe or do I feel threatened?

To feel and realize that you are under the influence of an abuser is very painful and bitter. But remember: in the fact that you were treated cruelly and dishonestly, it is neither your fault nor your responsibility. In violence, whatever it may be, only one person is to blame - the rapist. And only the abuser is responsible for this.

And you have every right to end toxic and destructive relationships - without giving reasons and without trying to "understand and forgive."