Isn't It Time For Us To Part, Sir?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Let's take as a starting point a couple in love who have been together for a period of time and are now, for whatever reason, breaking up.

A person always plays his own life scenario, therefore, in the details of parting, it happens in different ways. And yet there is something that runs like a red thread through all the options at the same time.

Some come to a mutual solution without resentment, conflicts and claims. There comes a time when it makes no sense to be around anymore, both are aware of this, and the relationship is built on such a level of trust and openness that this allows you to calmly and constructively consider possible options for getting out of the situation. Former partners have a sense of their own dignity, empathy, respect each other, know how not only to listen, but also to hear. In such an atmosphere, they are able to quite coolly assess what happened, summarize, honestly share what they jointly acquired. Both the man and the woman understand that both have long grown out of a family nest. If children are present, they are in no way used as an adhesive. This is the separation of mature individuals. And it can be very beautiful: it brings a feeling of deep gratitude, satisfaction and mutual inner enrichment. Decision comes from the mind, agreement comes from the heart. This is what allows you to move on, continuing to experience warm human feelings. Now living together is like staying in a children's room, where before on every windowsill, under every rug there were so many adventures and emotions!.. but now it is stuffy. The person feels that he is ready to fly. It is genetically inherent - we must evolve. Both at the same time and without regret leave their common rope, which previously tied them closely.

This type of separation takes place without undue stress and is 100% complete. The aftertaste remains a feeling of happiness and freedom, as well as a sincere desire for the ex / ex to be happy too. These people do not divide children. They, as before, continue to love them, gladly accept their child in new families and give the child the opportunity to maneuver freely between mom and dad. With each other, ex-partners always maintain a healthy distance and emotional neutrality.

Unfortunately, this kind of separation is rare. Usually the opposite picture is observed: screams, scandals, tears, fights. Now they dispersed, then they ran again; they love and they hate. These partners never part forever. There are too many ties in their relationship. The feeling of one's own "I" is entirely based on the Other. They are like communicating vessels through which emotions flow between people. And this is so nice! Although it hurts at times. They never give up their rope, even if they say it is. They are very sensitive to each other's moods and subtly understand when a signal comes from one end of the string: “I am offended and I want a reaction from you! Now I will pretend that I am leaving, and you must catch up with me and keep me. This is not difficult, because, in fact, this is how I give you a message: you have become inattentive to me, I have ceased to feel our connection! I want to play! Hey! Are you still here? Pull the string!"

Since in such a pair the partners are highly interdependent, the second subconsciously catches the signal and agrees to the terms of the game. A sense of possessiveness and fear of loss are activated in him. Well, who wants to be left with emptiness inside? A huge amount of adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, and naturally, the person accepts the challenge. The conquest begins: he / she, as if in a new light, sees a partner, shows interest, excitement, concern, begs, gives, cries, tears off his shirt with the words: "Yes, I am for you!"

And the first calms down, descends and delivers a verdict: “Pardoned. Unworthy, but I remain. " And although the cycle is complete, it will repeat itself at regular intervals, initiated by one or the other partner. The energy quanta that are released in this drama are mistaken for love and everything continues. Parting does not really happen, but is only a certain way of manipulation, heavy artillery, when emotional boredom arises and you want to shake up the old days. This is the nature of neurotic relationships. It is beneficial for both of them, from time to time rattling, to drag their rope further, because it is so exciting - to tickle the nerves and feel alive! Sometimes they diverge, but not far and not for long. They are attracted to an unfinished relationship, they experience a full gamut of feelings: from resentment to a desire for revenge. Often, men and women from these couples "part friends", as if signing an unwritten agreement: "If anything, then I'm around the corner." And now a week or two passes and their fate magically and, of course, "randomly" throws them under one blanket. What kind of romance begins here! - second honeymoon.. but what's the second? - double honeymoon !!! In general, - and I'm glad to be deceived.

The most interesting thing is that any person intuitively knows how and in what cases a break really occurs, which means that he knows how to avoid it subconsciously, if in fact this is not the true goal, or, on the contrary, to adequately produce it, if the goal is precisely that. But behind a swing and a showdown, there is usually some hidden benefit hiding.

But the options considered are far from the only possible ones. Sometimes a person leaves a relationship by categorically throwing his rope under his partner's feet. With a clear conscience and light, he drops something like: “It's over. Don’t call, don’t write, don’t look, and in general - goodbye! Keep the fridge and socks for yourself. I’m starting a new bright life”. Well, everything is clear with him - a perspective loomed ahead, he threw off his old rags, spread his wings and the former is now an obvious burden.

And what happens to the second at this time? How does he see this parting? And his feet are losing ground, all sorts of landmarks are lost, his stomach begins to ache, his heart becomes depressed.. handkerchiefs are scattered everywhere: on the refrigerator, under the pillow, in his socks.

Pitch darkness. Suffering for the whole world. Girlfriends-friends are already tired of hearing about the "villain" or "corrupt bitch". Joint photographs are either destroyed or taken care of with special tenderness. The unfortunate man is desperately trying to shake his end of the rope: he calls, writes, spends the night on a bench under the window of his beloved, monitors in social networks. But all is in vain. There is no more contact. He threw the rope and forgot.

A person who finds himself in a similar situation is completely helpless, he believes that the only way to get out of it is to do everything so that the culprit returns, since the fulcrum was in him. All internal resources are being consumed at a tremendous rate. And this path, unfortunately, is nowhere: severe depression, apathy, self-torture and suicidal attempts, alcoholism, hormonal disorders, psychosomatic diseases, anger at children, early departure from life. It is important to remember that the first step to your own healing is precisely in realizing your rejection of reality and unsuccessful attempts to change it.

Of course, for clarity, I describe the extreme form of manifestations, but this type of separation is always very painful.

There is also an option that is similar at the beginning of the development of events, but with a completely different outcome: the first threw the rope, the second suffers in attempts to restore the connection. But when he realizes that everything is lost irretrievably, by an effort of will he turns to face the current situation and seems to be reborn from the ashes. In the sea of emotions that flooded him, there is still a small island of reason, which allows, though with difficulty, but to pull himself together, take responsibility for his life and take a step forward. Such a person creates his own internal motivation, why should he move on: for the sake of children, for the sake of enlightenment, to save the world from hunger or to see the northern lights. And he, like Baron Munchausen, pulls himself out of the swamp. The suffering of these people is as strong as in the previous story, but something still does not allow them to break down. Thanks to what strength are they able to make a dash and break out of the quagmire? - Thanks to a deep understanding that I am a value in itself, and everything else is secondary.

From this sense of self, as from a seed, a tiny sprout of faith hatches: but I can! I will rise, heal the wounds, draw conclusions and move on, more mature and wise. This means that one day, I will definitely create a full-fledged relationship. Yes, it is strong roots in the present plus a clear vision of the future that allow a person to get out.

Thus, I tried to reveal the possible options for breaking up the relationship.

Of course, each person, by virtue of his inner nature, upbringing and personal experience, is inclined to experience life's difficulties in different ways. And in this article I wanted to give hope to those who are looking for a way out of the current circumstances. I wanted to show that sometimes breaking up is the best thing you can do for yourself. But how? When? Does it even make sense? How to get over a breakup if it has already happened and was far from complementary? - I leave these questions open.

Is it possible to do something if you are suddenly thrown with a rope in your hands? - of course yes! For a start, it makes sense to realize and accept your true emotions, so that with an open heart you feel the whole salt of what happened, understand what you are holding on to and let it go. Depending on how shocked you are, you can work through the negativity yourself, drop by drop every day. Use the meditations of forgiveness and letting go for this; spontaneous dance; responding to emotions by screaming, crying, or laughing; use art therapy techniques such as painting fear, sculpting anger, etc. Or you can choose a different path and find yourself a guide, a specialist who will help you quickly cope with the situation, lay a solid foundation for your future life and reach a qualitatively new level of self-perception in this world.

Be that as it may, what is really important to remember and what I want to focus your attention on - never and in any way enter into a new relationship without fully experiencing and rethinking the previous ones. It is easy to fall into a vicious circle and this is exactly the way. The next suffering will be provided and over time they will only deepen the unhealed wound. If your feet are rubbed with blood, it is stupid to sculpt a beautiful plaster on top and go to the disco. What a joy if it still hurts, right?

Do not hurry. Give yourself the opportunity to put your soul in order. Analyze your life, start feeling the support within yourself, learn to trust and be open.

And then one day a miracle will happen, and again the time for love will come.