Why Isn't The Beast Disenchanted? (Part 3: More On Toxic Relationships)

Table of contents:

Video: Why Isn't The Beast Disenchanted? (Part 3: More On Toxic Relationships)

Video: Why Isn't The Beast Disenchanted? (Part 3: More On Toxic Relationships)
Video: Disenchantment Part 3 - Drugs 2024, March
Why Isn't The Beast Disenchanted? (Part 3: More On Toxic Relationships)
Why Isn't The Beast Disenchanted? (Part 3: More On Toxic Relationships)
Anonim

Read the beginning of the article:

Part 1 >>

Part 2 >>

The third sign of a toxic relationship is you cannot discuss your problems with your partner. If you feel bad, if you are upset about something or you are not well, your partner believes that these are exclusively your own problems and you yourself are to blame. In addition, he also does not recognize the existence of problems in your relationship. It also happens that he considers himself the ideal man and the dream of every woman. In his opinion, the only trouble is that he got some kind of "wrong" woman, he needs to remake her. But more often it happens that he considers himself just a "normal man", like everyone else - no better and no worse. Therefore, all your dissatisfaction is your personal quibbles and there is nothing to pay attention to.

Image
Image

Illustrations - cartoon "Beauty and the Beast"

The fourth sign is self-loathing when you feel chronically miserable. It may seem to you that you simply have nothing to love, that you are constantly making mistakes, that you are doing everything wrong. By the way, these "symptoms" are easy to notice when reading posts on social networks, when a girl writes about herself exclusively in a sacrificial, self-deprecating manner. When she writes about herself not "face", but "face", or "I crawled …", "finally it dawned on me …". Of course, from time to time, everyone can write something like that about themselves in an ironic way, making fun of their own mistakes. But when a person constantly writes about himself with such sarcasm and self-deprecation, it means he considers himself unworthy of love and respect. Pay attention to your texts from this point of view!

Another typical example. You can find posts in the following spirit: "I got myself into a mess again … I feel so bad … But I am to blame myself! Serves me right!" This is a substitution of two completely different things. On the one hand, they often say: "Take responsibility for yourself! Only you are responsible for your life and the consequences of your actions." Yes, this is true in the sense that you don't have to wait for someone else to solve your problems for you. But when it comes to the relationship of two people and this relationship does not develop, it would be a gross mistake to blame only yourself for this. In any relationship, responsibility rests with both participants, otherwise it does not happen. And in this case, the partner's statements "only you are to blame for everything!" - this is his own irresponsibility, nothing more. It also happens that in this case, "taking responsibility for yourself" means ending this relationship, which in itself can cause fear and guilt. Or give your partner a very tough ultimatum.

The next hallmark of toxic relationships is inability to think about a joint future. If you cannot and do not want to think about what will happen to you next, if your relationship continues, if you blindly live day after day, with some vague hope "suddenly something will change for the better" - this is a sign that "poisoning" has gone very deep and you need to urgently take some measures. You are afraid to even imagine how the situation will develop further. You are afraid to think what will happen to you if you stay in this relationship. If you already feel that you are losing health, work, environment that supports you, it is clear that if you do nothing, it will only get worse. When you are not thinking about the future, but just living day after day, this is a very disturbing symptom.

Image
Image

And one more characteristic feature, closely related to all the previous points, is manipulating your fear of loneliness … When you have extremely low self-esteem, when you do not put yourself into anything, you are really very afraid that, having broken this relationship, no one will need it. It happens that a woman says: “Now I have at least such a man (cruel, rude, suppressive, drinking heavily, etc.), and if I leave him, then there will be none at all). in those cases when a man earns at least some money, and a woman has not worked for a long time, she has no specialty, she cannot imagine what she will live on if she leaves her husband. there is not only the fear "I will not be needed by any man", but also - "I will not get a job anyway, I am not interesting to anyone, no one will support me."

In any case, this woman has some skills and talents, but she does not consider them to be something valuable, meaningful to other people. She is sure that she has nothing to offer this world, that her husband is doing her a favor by staying in the relationship with her.

Pay attention to these signs of toxic relationships.… If you recognize yourself in at least one of them, this is a signal that something needs to be changed in your relationship. If you leave everything as it is, there will be more and more such "bells" and they will be more and more painful!

Now we have talked about how toxic relationships manifest themselves externally. That is, when it comes to your relationship with your husband, friend, boss or some other person. But this situation is fraught with another serious danger.

When you communicate for a long time with a close, significant person for you, an inner image of him is created in your soul. In the language of psychology, this is called "introject". He becomes an integral part of your psyche, accompanying you constantly, wherever you are and whatever you do. You can part with this person and stop communicating with him - the introject will still remain with you and will speak in his voice, in his words, as soon as a "suitable situation" occurs for him to voice.

It is very good when this close and significant person was loving, understanding, ready to support in difficult times. In this case, in any difficult situation, your "inner voice" will cheer you up, help you maintain your presence of mind and gather strength. But if your loved one was "toxic" - it means that the introject created in his image and likeness in your consciousness will continue to poison your life in the same way.

Image
Image

For example, if your partner at any of your mistakes said: "You see! You never succeed! You have only problems!" - you will hear the same thing internally, making the smallest mistake. This can come in the form of unfounded fears, feelings of insecurity, vulnerability and resentment, in the form of dreams or bodily symptoms.

Jungian psychologist Clarissa Pinkola Estess, in her book Runner with Wolves, calls this "inner character" - " natural soul predator"Or, more briefly, an internal predator.

How to recognize it and what to do with it - in the following articles.

Read more here …

The author of the article - psychologist Lana Taiges (Maslova Svetlana Vladimirovna) (c)

Recommended: