2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Most of the so-called normal people are the very same - according to Gannushkin - paranoid, epileptoid, depressive, psychosthenic, hyperthymic, labile characters.
We often meet them and more or less know how to deal with such things, especially if they are expressed precisely as a personality accent, and not as a diagnosis. The diagnosis is more difficult, but still the idea, in general, is that, as Dr. House said, "I am flying - you hold the handle." That is, from relatives, even to people with a diagnosis, it requires about the same thing - tenderness, sympathy, warmth and a lot of patience. The narcissist as a character - and as a diagnosis - is very rare, because for its formation one needs such - excuse me - heartless obsessive parents (most often also narcissists) that they are few. Thus, most people are not ready to communicate with narcissists and do not know what to do when they get into a relationship with them. No mechanisms work, the person is very badly injured. And, in general, a manual is needed to communicate with such people. And psychologists write texts because usually the partners of narcissists come to us, smeared with a thin layer on the wall, completely destroyed. And, frankly, the main idea of these texts boils down to the fact that if your partner is a pure narcissist, then this is about the same as your partner is an alcoholic. Better to leave. And it's better to leave quickly and forever. Because the narcissist has an undeveloped ego, because he is incapable of empathy, because he is prone to drug addiction and other kinds of addictions, because he will not love your common children, because he will not love you, because he cannot to love, and by constant and gentle, like an asphalt roller, improving, he is able to destroy the personality of a partner - and his own children for the company. When psychologists are accused that we offend narcissists with our texts, I reassure everyone - guys, one of the tricks of narcissism is that he is not able to identify a narcissist in himself. Therefore, they do not take these texts personally. Relax. And those who take, usually five years in therapy, and know what the difference is from then and now. But the message of this text, in general, is that most likely - if you are not uniquely lucky - your partner is not a narcissist. At the same time, such texts appear so actively and are in demand because many, very many in Russia have narcissistic trauma. And this is very important to understand - there are few narcissists, and there are many narcissistic traumatics. Because we have a very developed culture of shame, advice and devaluation. But this is different. A partner with narcissistic trauma can be quite cruel at some moments, sometimes he craves perfection from you, falls into depression because he is not super popular, sets unrealistic goals for himself and does not notice the lack of resources. But he's alive. He has empathy, he is able to accept your pain and sympathize with it, he is scared when he finds out that he hurt you and does not want to continue doing this, he loves his children and loved ones, and wants them to be happy, even if they are imperfect … He knows how to take care, even if no one is looking at him, and he knows how to see the other in the other. And most importantly, he is able to change. The narcissist in therapy changes so slowly and so hard that it takes years and years. In addition, since it is difficult for him to establish a relationship, he is still rarely able to withstand it - he changes therapists one after another and does not find sufficient support in anyone. Any other client, even with a narcissistic trauma, goes much faster. And therefore, it is very important, after reading the text "what to do if your partner is a narcissist" and having learned some things in your partner, do not rush, give yourself at least some time to figure out who you are with. Because I would not suggest hoping that you will find a person in Russia without narcissistic problems.
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