2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
They are usually cute, even adorable. Perfectly dressed, with silky hair and fragrant skin. True, some of them get fat, while others get sick beyond measure. This is because they have been disgusted with their beautiful bodies for many years. But at first glance, there is no way to guess, and each time their story is like a burn. It happened a long time ago, between their 8-9 and 19 years
They come with other questions. Most often about relationships. Something is not lining up or is lining up, but not right. And only then … Only when we get to know each other better … They bite their lips, bite the handkerchief and, looking into the corner, almost without tears, push out ragged phrases from themselves, with a pulse like blood. Most of them never told anyone about it. Or they talked, but not about how they really feel. The parents of most of them will never know about anything.
After an hour, a week, or a month, or a few more weeks, they manage to cry. Crying is half the battle, you know. Tears release a nightmare from the soul and help to accept help. Accept, if not love, then at least regret. But shame and fear of rejection, and the silence that has sealed them for many years, does not give us a cry. Who knows what kind of crust is baked on a wounded heart. As a rule, they do not know how to express their feelings at all. Or dare not.
They are not so wrong. All of their previous experience, all of our social experience, is a continuous impetus to silence. Tell me - you will be to blame for everything. Shame not to wash, not to wipe off the wine. It is a shame to tell, to seek help is useless, to demand retribution is ridiculous. They didn’t come up with it themselves.
One hundred percent of those I know were victims of physical abuse and cruel punishment as children. More often, dads were beaten, and mothers were not protected, but this is not a rule. More often, even then, they were able to understand that the weaker family member redirected the anger of the raging half from himself to the child. In adulthood, many also understand that evil has been ripped off on them. But sometimes they cannot admit it, especially when it comes to mom. Mom is a sacred cow. That is, it is wrong. That's right: Mother is sacred.
They come to finally shout out a story of their pain and horror, a spooky incident or even a chain of events that they think formed the basis of their tragedy. In fact, this is not the case. The foundation was laid much earlier and where they are not looking for it.
There, in the depths, - suffering mothers (less often - fathers), seriously ill, drowned in eternal troubles, be it exhausting work at the workplace or everyday problems. There is an adult responsibility for what is happening: for a broken cup, swearing from parents, a grandmother's heart attack and the material well-being of the whole family. Money always plays a resounding role in these stories. There - guilt and shame for all the spoiled holidays, frustrated entertainment, scandals out of the blue. There is not a single planned and completed day. There is nothing true at all, nothing safe, fragile peace can break at any moment, and always - through the fault of the child. And always, I repeat, always - punishments, cruel and deliberate, a whole history of punishments, beating and adult disgusting epithets.
That's it, parents …
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