Golden Cage Of Care

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People really value being taken care of. Many girls dream of meeting a man who will take care of her. Many men want to start a family with someone who can gently hug and feed deliciously. But often completely different things are presented under the guise of care.

For example, subconscious parasitism may be lurking. When an elderly mother in every possible way prevents her son from leaving to live separately, and to take care of a 30-year-old man as well as a two-year-old child. Thus, it kills his independence, masculinity, maturity and destroys his life. She wants her little blood to stay with her forever, and in old age not only gave her a glass of water, but also rewarded all her labors.

Men often use care to make a woman fall in love with them. He tries to charm her, seduce, bring her closer to him, in order to feel himself the object of her desire. Many women think that men only need one thing. In fact, it is important for men to feel the attention of a woman, and to be the center of the world for her. Especially daffodils strive for this, they want to live in the light of a searchlight. Thus, he admires himself through the other. A narcissistic person never builds relationships with others, he is only interested in himself in the reflection of others. And when a woman looks at him with love and admiration, he feeds on it. Often the narcissist thinks that he sincerely loves his partner, but in practice, all actions come down to the principle "You and I have a lot in common - we both love me." And in order to get admiration and admiration for himself, a man is ready for romantic exploits, but there is no sincere interest in his partner, there is no interest in her happiness and well-being. He does this in order to hear - "You are charming", "You are an amazing man."

Women often use care in order to realize their image of a decent wife. The husband came home from work tired and went to bed, and his faithful warms dinner, and goes to wake him up to feed him, because she thinks that he is hungry. But since he is asleep, it means that the body's need for rest is now stronger than for food! But the arguments of common sense are beyond her. She has an attitude - "a good wife should always have a husband," and she, like a robot, carries out this program. It is important for her to realize her need to be good; her husband's true needs for a restful sleep do not bother her.

There are also rescuers who are ready to solve the problems of everyone, starting from a street kitten who was seized by fleas, and ending with a neighbor who was offended by her husband, and she urgently needs to be comforted. Such rescuers with great enthusiasm rush into the thick of things, and try to make the world more perfect. But in fact, deep down in their hearts, they hope that among the saved there will be someone who, with the same zeal, will begin to make them happy. Often, there are no such people, and then all, in the past poor and unfortunate, will be branded “Ungrateful pig”.

When dealing with such caregivers, it is very important to see reality. It is not necessary for him to declare that you are leading him through, but it is necessary to understand that you are the object of manipulation. It is very important to watch what exactly a person is doing and not take everything at face value. His actions tell more eloquently about ulterior motives than his words.

Real care is an action that is determined by the true need of the person being cared for, is consistent with his desire and feelings, and not with the desire of the rescuer to do good. “I think you’re frozen. Let me offer you hot tea and a blanket? Real care is an offer of your help, without intrusive imposition and manipulation. Manipulation is always aimed at gaining control over another:

• I see that you are not okay, so I know better what you need now.
• I want to take care of you, and you, shameless, do not give me, so I will be offended by you.

In both cases, the needs of the other are irrelevant. The goal of the benefactor is to feel better, and the method is not important here. Grandma's pies are a good example of this. They have to be swallowed under pain of offending the holy woman, who stood at the stove for half a day. Such concern breaks through personal boundaries, resistance, and sets up its own white flag of victory in foreign territory.

Caring manipulation is actually an unpleasant thing because in the end it only does harm in the form of blurring personal boundaries. People who have absorbed this style of communication with loved ones with mother's milk very often sincerely wonder why their good intentions line the road to hell, as the atmosphere in the family is heating up. And they do not understand how to fix the situation, they read different books, try all sorts of tricks, but this does not improve the situation. Creating warm supportive relationships requires experiencing unconditional acceptance and support yourself. The safest tool for this is personal therapy.