2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Have a motivation problem?
Constantly struggling with the urge to postpone things "for later"?
You jump from doing important things:
- or you do it late
- or you don't, doing some nonsense
- or often, instead of doing something important, you do something else, useful, but of less priority
- or you postpone until the last, and only before the moment of the deadline - you mobilize
- or you do things, but they go hard - you are distracted by trifles, attention is defocused, thoughts jump back and forth, chaos in actions, difficulty concentrating on the process.
In psychology, this is called procrastination.
Procrastination - this is a predisposition to postponement of affairs, including important and urgent ones, this is a form of violence against oneself, which interferes with getting what one wants.
You can often find articles on the Internet where the author is offered to “fight” procrastination:
- “Well, get your rag together! Get out of your comfort zone. Stop procrastinating, make the decision to change that. Promise your friends. Imagine how bad it will be if you do this all your life!"
Suggested recipe: motivate yourself through shame / guilt / fear.
The procrastinator already has a problem that he cannot naturally perform tasks, he needs a big kick to move, otherwise he can no longer. He stammered himself so much that kicks of a much higher level are needed to somehow get things done.
And what do they offer? Kick yourself even more.
What other comfort zone? The life of a procrastinator is very difficult: a lot of guilt, shame, constant self-relapse, a demoralizing state that undermines self-confidence.
He already lives in a zone of total discomfort, and gives advice … to strengthen it even more.
Suggest MORE blame / fear / shame on yourself, rely more on external stimuli and find less support inside.
- "Concentrate! Create new habits. Follow them relentlessly!"
The procrastinator has restlessness, defocusing of attention, want-need struggle that takes away strength, a drop in motivation.
They propose to solve this issue with an EVEN greater struggle, forcing oneself even more to complete tasks through willpower.
- "Set a specific, precise goal, defined in time. Stretch yourself. Do it at all costs!"
And so a person has little energy to do things, exhaustion from internal stress, loss of precessional motivation, and the resulting one does not work, and the author of the articles is offered to solve this with even more stress, with even greater emphasis on the resulting motivation.
There are many similar pseudo-psychological crap on the Internet.
When a person has SUPER VIOLENCE over himself, then this issue cannot be resolved by violence.
When a person has PROBLEMS with focusing, this issue cannot be resolved by focusing.
When a person's motivation for the result DOES NOT WORK, then this issue cannot be solved by setting goals for the result.
When a person has LOW energy, little strength, then this issue cannot be solved by setting tasks that require a lot of strength.
When a person can do things ONLY through willpower and does it at the maximum he can, then this issue cannot be resolved by doing things through willpower.
Such “advice” does not change the mechanisms of procrastination within a person.
It's important to understand.
The MORE a person has internal conflicts, the MORE it takes WILLPOWER to do things
The LESS there are conflicts, the MORE energy is allocated to the task, the MORE desire to fulfill, the EASIER is done, the MORE is the pleasure of completing the task
In this article - 15 rules in the form of markers, rules for referring to yourself, to identify the causes of internal conflicts.
The first rule of the procrastinator
Before you motivate yourself for actions for which there is initially no energy, and apply a lot of willpower ask yourself:
Or maybe what you planned is unnecessary to do?
The second rule of the procrastinator
Am I doing this for myself?
Or I do it for my wife / husband, boss, parents.
Maybe I want to avoid conflict with this person in this way?
Or to prove something to someone?
Alternatively, my actions are a kind of protest, fight against someone.
The third rule of the procrastinator
Do I understand why I am doing this?
Why do I need it? What does it give me.
The question is about meanings, motives.
It is especially important for those who do actions automatically, saying to themselves the phrases - tricks "SHOULD / SHOULD".
Or even lives in the system because “it is supposed to be / correct / normal / useful”.
The fourth rule of the procrastinator
Solve the real problem.
Maybe what I am doing is that I do not need the result directly at all, but I am doing it for something OTHER?
And this other, in my expectations, should automatically solve the real problem.
The fifth rule of the procratinator
Do I feel free in what I do?
Are my actions the result of my conscious choice, or am I doing because I “have to”?
Look deep into yourself: do I feel free or bondage by doing this?
Am I relaxed or tense during work?
And what do I want: to be in a state of tension, or calm concentration is more suitable for me, as well as emotions such as interest, curiosity?
The sixth rule of the procrastinator
Do I give myself a reward for what I do?
Emotional reward, physical, aesthetic, mental, entertaining.
Or I think that “I didn’t deserve it, or that“I should stop / relax early”,“I shouldn’t stop”,“I need more”.
Is it typical for me to devalue my actions: “there is nothing to rejoice at and praise myself”, “this does not count, I could be better”, “you can only be proud of something great”, “why am I … this is so … but Vasya …”.
The seventh rule of the procrastinator
Am I running away from something by doing these actions?
How do I feel when I am in the moment of making decisions?
Excitement, anxiety, guilt?
Or am I running into action so I don't feel uncomfortable?
Am I under emotional stress that I carefully hide from myself? Suppress / ignore / block emotions.
Eighth rule of the procratinator
Do I have in excess of the requirements for myself?
Is perfectionism about me?
Maybe I'm the same person who is so eager to make everything perfect that often I don't even start?
After all, the task set in my head will take a lot of effort, time, and resources.
And is it better to do it well, ideally - or not at all?
The ninth rule of the procrastinator
How flexible and free I am?
Do I allow myself to assign things as I want, do them for as long as I choose, rearrange them, remove / add / optimize / delegate.
Or I have a rigid framework of expectations from myself, and when I don’t invest in them (and this is almost always), then a feeling of guilt arises, I internally reproach myself.
The tenth rule of the procrastinator
Am I living in the moment?
Is it possible to say so about myself - that NOW I feel bad. And in order to be good, you SHOULD get something great.
And to get great - you need to strain and move towards the goal, preferably faster. And when this goal is finally achieved, then I will truly heal.
Is it typical for me to run into dreams?
A virtual world where everything will be fine?
Regardless of the form:
- I dream and do nothing
- or vice versa "figachu" like the damned
for the sake of achieving the goal (in the distant invented future), which, when achieved, will give the very feeling of happiness, joy and other emotions that are so badly lacking in the present tense.
The eleventh rule of the procrastinator
Am I trying to do everything myself, and do a lot?
Do I have a conviction of the form: “to do it yourself without someone else's help is commendable / a sign of strength”, and to seek help is “ashamed”, “wrong”, “weakness”.
What's more important to me:
1) Do not ask for help and do the job for a long time and tediously, but in the end you can cope on your own?
2) Do everything quickly and easily - by involving outside help in the process?
The twelfth rule of the procrastinator
Throughout the day (and in general in life) - is it typical for me to give myself negative assessments.
Or is it typical to praise yourself?
Is it calm about the work done or take pleasure and joy at the completion of each task?
I focus on what works or I focus on shortcomings, reproach myself for “not working out” / “working out wrong” / “not working out yet”.
Do I take unsuccessful cases personally and negatively?
If I didn’t do something, am I “bad / defective / insignificant / useless”?
And on the contrary, I don’t associate successful business with my personality?
Am I proud of myself? Or I block positive emotions about myself, switching to my mind, where I think that I am not good enough, I could have been better.
The thirteenth rule of the procrastinator
Is it common for you to look for the reasons for your procrastination and change them?
Or do you tend to ignore the reasons, trying to FIGHT with yourself?
To act through willpower, strained.
Do you have any beliefs about yourself like:
- "a person is born lazy and you need to kick yourself constantly"
- “a man by nature is a freeloader and in order to achieve something in life you need to give up your desires and do what is supposed to be done” …
- “in order to get something meaningful in life, you have to pay a great price for it”?
Are you typical for the idea of struggle with yourself, throwing away a part of yourself for a specific goal, self-restraint, self-torture, self-infringement? Are these ideas tied to a sense of pride?
The fourteenth rule of the procrastinator
Globally, in terms of values, the meaning of life - am I living for a purpose?
A PURPOSE MORE IMPORTANT than me or are all goals in my life FOR ME?
If you have worldview beliefs like:
“I must always be strong / perfect / active”, “please others”, “live for others”, live for the sake of (great idea / society / moral standards), “justify my existence by being useful, needed, important for other people”.
The fifteenth rule of the procrastinator
Do I tend to take responsibility for other people's results?
Taking responsibility for what is not in my control and on which I can only partially influence, but not control in any way?
Do I have a tendency to take responsibility for the reactions of other people, for the feelings of other people, for their assessment?
Of course, these markers of internal conflicts laid out in the form of rules will not help get rid of procrastination, but at least they will direct attention towards the real reasons for self-sabotage.
And this is already the first step towards change.
Removing internal conflicts is a quick way to change your life.
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