2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The introject itself is not the most pleasant thing. Actually, these are the statements of people (as a rule, significant adults), which are perceived by children as a kind of absolute axiom, not susceptible to criticism and analysis. For example, introjects include such banal and boring things that I have already written about many times - "Boys don't cry", "Girls should be feminine", "A good daughter will never reread her mother", "Mom is always right" and "Nobody will be you love the way I do."
In therapy, rather quickly and easily, the therapist begins to distinguish when the client speaks for himself, and when he utters these axioms: they sound with a different intonation - categorically, harshly and - most importantly - no matter how smart the person himself is, he does not hear in them no alternative. Well, boys don't cry, and that's it. This cannot be, because it can never be.
Why such things are dangerous lies on the surface: a person in situations subject to the introject makes decisions not independently, but acting stereotypically and harshly. Like the same wasp that cements the burrow even in the absence of the testicles stolen by the experimenter. He does not defend his interests in front of his mother, even if it is urgently necessary, does not express his feelings even in very exciting moments, which leads to neuroses and psychosis, dresses in unpleasant things only in order to correspond to mother's ideas of femininity, and so on.
However, sometimes in practice I come across an even more dangerous thing - paradoxical introjects. The client at work, standing in the position of a mother, utters a phrase that blows the mind even to me, not included in the situation: "We have no problems, but you have no right to talk about them." In the case of "mom is always right," at least it is clear how to act. Here it is absolutely unclear. There is a problem? No? If they are not there, how can you talk about them? And if there is, how not to talk about them? The system is downright creepy.
"Your father has no problems with alcohol, but when he gets drunk it is better to immediately run away from home", "A girl should not behave aggressively, so she should attack first", "All men cheat, but a woman should be married to a faithful husband" (or, even better, "All men are useless, but a woman cannot be without a man"), "Let the wife make a career, but you need to marry an ideal mistress." And so on and so forth.
Such a paradoxical, contradicting itself and the mother of our church, the introject does not just impose a rigid stereotype on human actions. He puts him in a state of permanent stupor, because it is impossible to fulfill it. Thus, he provokes indecision, self-doubt, inability to realize his own desires and, moreover, a constant feeling of guilt for violating the prohibition, which cannot be violated. Very often clients are unable to make the most elementary decisions and actions precisely because, when trying to prove themselves, they run into "this must be done so that nothing is done" and simply cannot decide on the strategy of action.
Thus, if you yourself are constantly in a crisis situation, when you cannot make a decision or your loved one is not capable of this, then you can think about what instructions were given by parents and significant relatives for behavior in such situations, and whether these instructions are initially impracticable paragraphs.
Introjects are very rare, but nevertheless they are realized on their own, without outside help. As a rule, such an awareness changes a lot in the perception of life. If you cannot figure out what is wrong on your own, it is better to seek help from a specialist.
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