Feelings Are Never Bad

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

We are used to dividing feelings into “bad”, “negative” and “good”, “positive”. It is pleasant to experience “good” feelings: joy, love, delight, pleasure.

And the “bad” ones are unpleasant. The “bad” ones usually include anger, anger, hatred, irritation, pain, suffering, longing, disappointment, guilt, shame, disgust, fear, anxiety, and anxiety.

“Bad”, “negative” feelings are not just unpleasant to experience, they are often prohibited from childhood:

"Why are you so gloomy?"

"How can you be angry with your grandmother!"

"Why are you roaring like a girl, it doesn't hurt at all!"

“I told you! You didn't listen!"

"There is nothing to turn up your nose from porridge - eat it, or now I will feed myself!"

“It’s not scary, don’t come up with it, come on!”

The child is afraid to be angry because he is afraid of offending, upsetting or angering the mother. And he forgets how to be angry at all, becomes constantly sweet and compliant.

The child pretends not to be afraid so as not to look like a coward. And learns to ignore fear

The child pretends that he is not in pain and learns not to rely on his feelings.

A person who ignores, suppresses one of his feelings spends a lot of energy not to show it. Especially if the feeling is “shameful” - for example, for an adult, serious entrepreneur, it seems unacceptable to show fear or pain. For a sweet and touching girl - anger or irritation. To “save face” requires a lot of emotional stress, which translates into a feeling of fatigue, prolonged stress, loss of interest in life.

Ignoring certain feelings leads to "one-sided" development: a constantly ingratiating friend cannot stand up for himself, a recklessly brave extreme man often risks his life, an insensitive womanizer is afraid of pain and avoids long-term relationships, an unscrupulous fraudster avoids feelings of guilt and shame, as well as sincerity and honesty in a relationship, a frivolous and careless girl often finds herself in unpleasant situations, because ignores anxiety and fear.

We need any emotions and feelings in order to react to what is happening to us and around us, find an adequate way of action and adapt to changing conditions as productively as possible.

Anger we need to protect ourselves and our borders

Angerso as not to be disappointed in yourself

Fear we need to react to danger

Anxiety helps to anticipate danger, as well as mobilize resources in the event of an unexpected situation

Disappointmentto free yourself from illusions

Guilt we need to compensate for the damage and correct the situation

Pain tells us that something is wrong, something needs to be done

Shame helps us understand that we are not indifferent to the opinions of loved ones

Yearning shows us the desire to possess something or someone

Disgust helps to understand what I want at the moment and what I don't need