Internal Sadist. What To Do With Him?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Inside each of us there is an inner sadist and rapist (he is also an inner critic, a predator of the soul). This is a collective image of all the adults who surrounded us in childhood, from mom to teachers at school. They all raped our natural nature, our natural manifestations, our spontaneity and love of freedom, in order to make us what they wanted us to be, in order to turn us into weak-willed and comfortable creatures for themselves and society.

This, at one time, was called education and was carried out with the use of both mental / emotional and physical violence. In some families, this is still called upbringing.

Examples of mental abuse:

• A ban on any kind of feelings ("you can only love your mother", "don't cry, you're a boy", "don't be angry, you're a girl");

• Blackmail and threat ("if you do not do as I say, you will not get this and that");

• Criticism, insults ("you do everything wrong, hands out of your ass")

• Ignoring (lack of any reaction to the child);

• Pressure of expectations, lack of praise, demand for better results;

• Comparison ("look how Petya eats well, not like you");

• Hanging up your problems on the child ("friendships", telling about your difficulties in relationships, at work …);

• Deprivation of boundaries / submission to one's will (prohibition on "no", on feeling like a separate person, demands to tell everything to mom);

(You can continue the list)

Examples of physical abuse:

• Cuffs, flip flops;

• Excessive physical contact (hugging and kissing to fill your need for affection, which does not match the needs of the child);

• Lack of affection;

• Threats with violence and causing fear;

• Direct violence, beating;

• Transfer of responsibility for caring for the sick, the younger, the infirm.

Perhaps, in most cases, it was unconscious and seemed to them to be a manifestation of love, because they, at one time, were treated the same way.

But all this makes us feel unworthy and nurtures and nurtures within us the figure of an internal rapist who throughout our life does the same to us as these adults did.

If we do not begin to see this inner sadist, who now mentally continues to torment and torment ourselves inside, we will constantly experience depression, a decline in energy and strength, a lack of motivation, constant failures, as if receiving confirmation that we are really worthless. In addition, we will pass on this distorted view of love and parenting further to our children. No matter how we try to play the role of beautiful, sweet, loving parents, the sadist in our unconscious will do his job in such a sophisticated way that it will be very difficult to expose him. Children are very sensitive to our unconscious and, if parents do not practice their mental hygiene, they unconsciously use children as a sink for their emotional garbage.

The only way to end the inner sadist once and for all is to meet him face to face. Now we have the strength to fight back and make him keep silent.

Here are my ways:

1. Meeting: Imagine the figure of your inner sadist in all its glory. What does he look like, what gender, how he is dressed, whether he has something in his hands. Look at it carefully, considering every detail. How do you feel being in his company?

2. Conversation: what does he tell you? What does he usually do to you? Write these belief phrases on separate pieces of paper. It may be that you will not succeed, or that you want too much and this is impossible, or that you have nothing to count on. That there is nothing special about you, you are not particularly smart, beautiful, you need to work on yourself, and so on….

3. Learn to say no to him.

You can practice in a place where you have the ability to get loud enough. Imagine his / her figure as he / she stands opposite, assuming an important look. Stand in a fighter pose, bend your knees a little, make a fist, and start saying "no" to him / her, quietly at first, then you can shout as it is right for you.

You can add any expressions to this.

Everything your inner sadist tells you is not true.

4. Creativity:

For example, I sometimes write poetry to him. You can draw it or dazzle it. Creativity helps us a lot to channel stagnant energy.

Purpose: These simple exercises will help you discern and fight back this destructive energy in your daily life. Once and for all, freeing himself from the chains with which he fetters you, regaining his strength and beauty, his inner dignity and his innate talents, giving himself the right to his big dreams and their fulfillment, giving himself permission to express himself in this world as you want.