2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today I will talk about my vision of what and how is happening in a relationship and why the inner core is so important.
What are the main problems in the relationship?
The first item I will name is addiction. When one partner becomes dependent on the other. There are various reasons for this. But they are all connected with the fact that one partner wants to get something from the other or at the expense of him.
Very often women become dependent on a man, because they are afraid that no one else will choose them besides this man. Therefore, instead of choosing a worthy partner for themselves, they choose someone who was just around, showed signs of attention and showed that they did not mind meeting. And instead of pumping themselves from the inside and looking for a worthy one, they stick to this one not the best partner and want something from him.
Usually they want attention, gifts, protection and care, help and all that from him.
And this is where the absence of this core in action is manifested.
The stronger the personality, the less it expects and demands from the other
The more she is confident in her strengths and abilities, the more positive past experience she has, the easier it is for her to move away from those partners who do not suit her
Instead of putting each other's brains on the topic of "building relationships", she says "thank you, it's not you, but me, I'll go find myself someone else."
They say this because they understand that they can really find someone better. And at the same time, they understand that it is dishonest to force a person to change, if he is a separate person at all and should not do anything like that, unless he himself wants to.
Weak personalities suffer instead, demand that the second change as they please, constantly threaten, whine and bang on the head. That is, they actively force the other to become what is convenient for them
When a woman says she is building a relationship, it usually means that she is simply forcing the man to obey her wishes. She wants her to be more interesting, more fun with him, so that she would not be ashamed to go for a walk, so that she would give gifts and give money. And this is in her understanding "to build relationships." And she extorts it from him in every possible way.
When you have an inner core, you do not require others to change to please you. You can accept a person that his qualities do not correspond to what you need. And if they are critically unacceptable for you, then you can leave, thanking for all the good things
And as happens in ordinary relationships. Two weak people will meet. No one can leave anyone, because both are afraid to look for someone new. And they are guided by the principle that although the brain is taken out, it is already familiar and you know how to react to it. And go there, look. Fearfully. Therefore, they suffer so in pairs. Both are dissatisfied, but they cannot do anything.
Addiction is formed from the fear of being alone or not getting something very important
In a person with a core and a pumped core, the fear of being alone is not so unbearably frightening as to endure a bad relationship.
Consider what else is going on in a weak personality in a relationship.
Often women run into relationships just to find someone who will provide her financially. The ability to earn directly depends on how mature and pumped you are inside. If a woman cannot earn money, then she sticks to a man and makes him responsible for his life.
Another woman, for the same reason that she has no money, endures the man's brain, that he does not give her gifts and constantly demands them from him. To the question, “If you had money and you could buy yourself what you need, gifts would be important for you, the answer is usually“no”or“well, maybe small, like tokens”.
That is, to be honest, a woman, because of her inability to earn, demands gifts from a man. That is, not signs of attention are needed, not love, but just cash. And men really do not like it when something is demanded from them. Moreover, it is not very joyful to give gifts, feeling a sense of guilt and duty. From this, they begin to demand something from women. Like, I give you gifts, you give me borscht and sex. And the woman says, oh, that's what you are. I thought it was different. And it rushed …
Men are also addicts. Some of them need to find for themselves one that will close the issue of sex, cooking, and constant maternal care. Or they just need to be loved and needed.
The essence is the same.
An immature weak person tries to get from the second what he needs to give himself in an amicable way, and shifts the responsibility for his life onto the partner. But it is served very nicely, under noble explanations that look like vanilla teen quotes. By the type who cannot please me, he is not worthy to be around.
When a partner begins to throw off this responsibility, because it seems like he did not sign, the weak person becomes discouraged, begins to complain, demand, whine, etc. If the other partner has enough strength to leave, then the relationship ends. But since most people are still weak and immature, they remain in a push-pull relationship.
All the stories about male goats and women bitches are told by such weak sufferers. Because a strong person does not need to bring his partner to the point where he turns into a goat or a bitch.
If you see that the other wants to fuck you, actively manipulates guilt and resentment, demands something, then there is no point in being in this relationship. Or, at least, it is definitely not worth indulging and leading to such behavior.
But the only person who has this stable core has the ability to withstand and not give in to his position, not to start attacking in response, not to start and not throw tantrums. Who knows how to deal with him, but how not, who himself does not climb to the borders of another and does not ask him for more than necessary
There is such an illusion and delusion among women that they want to be seen weak. Since women are the weaker sex, then it is imperative to put on a dress and hang the legs from the man's neck. In such a picture, a weak woman is an almost helpless creature who needs only to be fed with gold dust, and she will flutter through life.
Therefore, when you tell women that you need to become strong, they are usually very offended, arguing that men do not need women with eggs, so I will continue to flutter and blink beautifully.
To understand that this is not so, one must imagine that the relationship is a long military campaign. If you are going on a hike, it is important that your partner is just as prepared for it as you are. So that he can take on part of the duties: carry a backpack or a tent, cook food, provide medical assistance, pick mushrooms / berries, and do many other useful things. And no one in their right mind wants to take a young forest nymph with them on a hike in heels and in a mini-skirt, because there it is a matter of life and death, and you need to be well prepared.
In life, women think that it would be nice to just fly beautifully next to her husband, and let him do everything for me.
And this is the problem of an immature infantile personality who is ready only to consume, but is not at all ready to give and do something for another.
The same women who demand so much, but do not receive gifts or attention, usually give very little to the man themselves.
The problem is that an internally strong personality is confused with a dominant woman who tells a man how he should live. But only a dominant woman is not yet a strong personality. This is just an overbearing and selfish aunt who is used to the fact that everything in life happens at her will. But this is more about egocentrism than about true strength. And egocentrism is the highest degree of thinking about oneself. And this is precisely the marker of immaturity. This is the psychological level of a teenage child, but not an adult.
The indicator of the level of demands from your partner will be a marker of your weakness
The more you think your partner owes you to be happy, the weaker you are as a person and the faster you will slide into wild addiction. Because you give all responsibility for life to your partner
Such addictions are also dangerous because, in addition to everything else, their own identity is destroyed. After all, the fear of parting is so strong that a person is ready to cut and remake himself under another in the most ridiculous and terrible way, so long as he is not left. A person is ready to put up and be tolerant to any behavior. And from despair, all sorts of tricks from the bitch and Vedic courses begin to go. Anything, so long as not to throw and give what is needed.
But here everything should be different. Because any strategies at the level of "behave with a man like this, and you will have candy" does not work if a woman is weak and expects a lot from a partner. And if, as a result, she does not receive the promised candy from him in return for her correct behavior, her revenge will be terrible and the blast wave will destroy everything.
The more you have your own stability, steadiness, courage, willpower, the easier it is for you to "build harmonious relationships." Because in this case you choose not a mom or a dad, whom a weak personality is looking for, but an equal partner
Imagine yourself in the shoes of a partner and think, is it pleasant for you to be a “cash cow”?
Yes, it may sound rude, but when you see your partner as someone who owes you everything, who will cover all your trauma and fill your emotional holes, you are simply using the other person.
A strong personality is not one who denies other people. When people call themselves self-sufficient, and at the same time run away and live a home life under the TV, then this is not self-sufficiency, but a lie.
A strong and self-sufficient person needs a partner, because another equal person is always an exchange of energy. And by closing in on oneself, this exchange of energy cannot be obtained
Therefore, not all loners can be called strong, they can simply be globally disillusioned with life, and abandon any relationship so as not to suffer anymore. To suppress the desire to be with another person is not to be strong. It is fear and flight. And this is a sign of weakness.
In general, the point with these cores and cores is that the more you are filled from within, the less you demand from others, because you have the resources to give yourself this, the more you desire to be useful and give something to others from your inner generosity and fulfillment, the stronger your will and self-respect, the more likely you are to truly create that perfect relationship
People run into relationships so they don't grow on their own. When such a weak and afraid of everything in life a person is alone with himself, then a terrible horror occurs in his head, because he intimidates himself for the very thing I do not want. And in order not to hear all this, people run to the one who will fill their meaningless life with his presence. So people are looking for their halves. At the same time, they do not understand that two psychological invalids will never become one whole harmonious personality.
Therefore, in order to find a soul mate, your job should not go on finding the right partner. And according to its development. Only in this way there is a chance to really meet a worthy person. Because like attracts like.
How do you know how weak you are personally for a relationship?
Make a list like "what kind of partner I am looking for myself." What should he be, what qualities should he have, what do I expect from him? The more requirements there are, the weaker you are.
I hope it didn't scare me too much. If you want to change, you can do it. All in your hands.
On this I will finish for now. The topic is extensive. I just walked a little here. I will write more. In the meantime, you can comment. Or argue. Or not. I did not decide yet:).
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