How We Treat Ourselves Determines The Quality Of Our Relationships With Others

Table of contents:

Video: How We Treat Ourselves Determines The Quality Of Our Relationships With Others

Video: How We Treat Ourselves Determines The Quality Of Our Relationships With Others
Video: Esther Perel: The Quality of Your Relationships Determines the Quality of Your Life. 2024, March
How We Treat Ourselves Determines The Quality Of Our Relationships With Others
How We Treat Ourselves Determines The Quality Of Our Relationships With Others
Anonim

The quality of our relationships with others depends on how we treat ourselves

The quality of our relationships with others depends on how we treat ourselves. Therefore, it is important to realize the attitude towards yourself, this is what can be the best gift for loved ones. In order for relationships with other people to develop well, you should go through life on your own path. Why is it so difficult for us to do what we will be happy from? Where does the program crash?

Care, attention, love on the part of adults forms in the child confidence in the presence of another person, which contributes to the gradual separation from the mother. The main task of the parents is to help the child painlessly go through the separation process and become an adult. Children constantly read the messages of this world, what their world can teach, what tasks they face. This reading takes place at the level of sensations that shape the child's emotional sphere. This is how the structure of his personality gradually takes shape. With an unreliable connection with the mother, there may be delays in intellectual development. This is due to the fact that the child does not feel safe, there is anxiety due to relationships with other people. He cannot calmly learn about the world and show curiosity about everything if the situation around is unfavorable. Young children have the ability to take everything that happens around them personally. The realization that Mom is upset because Dad came home late is not available to him. It will probably take many years before he realizes that he is not the cause of everything that happens around him.

Most of the psychological trauma of childhood was caused by parents. Cessation of personal development, problems in relationships originate in child-parent interaction. With rejecting, absorbing, aggressive parents, the basis of all feelings in a child is his own helplessness. As adults, they may marry the aggressor and not see an opportunity to leave him. Because the helplessness is much deeper than the pain caused by the parents. And the relationship is determined by a deep mental impact, originally laid down by the program. Of course, each of us can become different, but this requires a high degree of awareness of our behavior. To do this, you need to go through the difficult process of removing the projection from another person, to realize the root cause of your behavior. Everything that we do not know about ourselves will be projected onto the outside world.

The projection process has five stages.

At the first stage of projecting unconscious material, a person is sure that all sensations are external. In each projection there is a part of ourselves that is not known to us. To some extent, very strong emotions that we can experience for another person, in fact, we experience for ourselves, that is, for that part of ourselves that we project. Because of the projection, we cannot immediately recognize the other person as he really is. Feeling confident that we know him, we can enter into a relationship with him.

In the second stage, we begin to notice the differences between our ideas and the real “I” of another person. Which raises questions, doubts, confusion, numbness and fear. Why is he not what he first seemed? We begin to doubt the true identity of the other person. This leads to quarrels, to power struggles. There is resistance, I want to punish the one who does not meet expectations.

At the third stage, the partner is reevaluated. Who is she or he? The other person appears in a different form. Such a process does not always take place in people on its own. In the second stage, people get tired of struggles and suffering from unsatisfied relationships and may seek help from a psychologist.

In the fourth stage, a person admits that he perceived the other person as part of himself, and expected from him something that does not correspond to his essence. And this is a great success, since expectations and fantasies are removed from the partner.

In the fifth stage, we study the projection itself, what part of our psyche has been projected. It is important to determine the meaning of the projection. This is a journey that is never easy and requires a lot of courage and strength in order to look deep into yourself and take responsibility for your life. Too often, another person becomes overvalued to us only because of our devaluation of ourselves. The main reason for the projection is always the activated unconscious, which seeks its expression. Not all people we meet can activate our unconscious material. To a greater extent, unconscious material is associated with sensations that arose during interaction with parents. Much of the first relationship experience turned into defensiveness. Having met a suitable person, we project part of the unconscious material onto him. But we cannot know how this person should be, even after a long acquaintance. And what we think we know is our own experience. We recognize what we already knew, but forgot or supplanted for some reason. There is a cognition of that forgotten part of our personality. And when the process of elimination of projection begins, then nothing hurts as much as the realization of unfulfilled hopes. Success in a relationship between two depends on the willingness of each to take responsibility for their unconscious material. It is very important to ask yourself the question: "From what I expect from a partner, what can I do for myself?" If parental care is expected from a partner, then the person is not old enough. Since the projection is unconscious, the need to work on oneself appears only when a person begins to suffer in this relationship. The traumatic events we endured before meeting another person give rise to the hope that he will correct everything, give what we wanted to receive from people from our past. And that hope becomes the main obstacle to achieving intimacy in a relationship. If a person, as a result of work on himself, awareness of his inner world, his needs, projections can say: "only I myself can give myself what I want." This is a great success.

What, in the end, does the relationship offer us? Projections tell us that we have unknown, uncontrollable parts of the psyche that invade our lives, bring pain and suffering. And no matter how strange it may be, it is through suffering that it is possible to realize the unknown parts of our psyche. And also, when we manage to become aware of our projections, see the dissimilarity of our partner, admit that he is different - all this stimulates the growth of both partners. In relationships, we either remain prisoners of our childhood, or are free for love, for development, and knowledge of ourselves.

Recommended: