Sex Avoidance

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Avoidance - this is a style of human behavior formed from childhood as a way to get away from excessive control or to minimize its influence on oneself. Avoidance is also used when a person does not know how best to act differently in a given situation.

Most often, people with a pattern of avoidance either felt overprotective of their parents, constantly violating their boundaries, or, on the contrary, were often left to their own devices and in childhood they could not establish stable, safe contacts with peers (parents limited communication with friends, a child he lived in isolation from society, due to constant moving, he could not join the team, in fact, all the time living with the feeling that he was an outcast, then he got used to a state of loneliness, but he never learned to establish a reliable attachment).

The experience of loss of loved ones (for example, frequent abandonment by parents, unexpected death of someone to whom there was a strong attachment) is very important in the formation of a pattern of avoidance.

Such a person is very frightened by real closeness, in which he is afraid of being devalued by others, becoming dependent on them, pushed around, using, becoming attached to someone seriously and being abandoned, and therefore prefers to keep people at a safe distance.

Any deep emotional closeness causes an anxiety attack in such a person, a person with a pattern of avoidance reacts painfully to the manifestation of sincere care for himself, affection, love of a partner, as if he touched his bloody wound. Therefore, in order to protect themselves, the avoiding person distances himself.

Each of us basically looks at the world through the prism of his projection, having a set of fears, expectations, handed down from childhood. And our thoughts, as you know, build a special model of relationships with society.

Life coping of avoidance is a maladaptive model that prevents a person from building full-fledged close relationships, even if he is married.

The avoidance pattern also resonates in his sexual relationship as an important component of intimacy.

I will list my classification of people using the avoidant style of sexual behavior

1. Ascetic. This is a person who either completely refuses sex (becomes antisexual, goes into monasticism), or significantly limits its presence in his life, arguing that sex is needed only for procreation. He can "on the shore" warn his partner that sex between them will be only when it is necessary to conceive a child (this situation does not include cases of lack of sex due to interpersonal conflicts, connections on the side).

2. Stimulant. Such a person, in order to have sex and get at least some kind of relaxation from him, needs additional "doping" that relieves stress, more often drugs, alcohol, porn films.

3. Masturbator. Such a person prefers sex with himself and often has porn and masturbation addiction.

4. Dreamer. Instead of an altered state of consciousness under the influence of porn, alcohol, such a person resorts to psychological protection in the form of a fantasy detachment from a partner during sex. This can be a constant representation of another man / woman in the place of her husband / wife, various types of perverted sex: somnophilia (when a partner allows herself to be mastered by pretending to be asleep, in an alcoholic "passed out", unconscious), voyeurism, fetishism, self-damaging forms of sex (provocations of rape, bdsm), etc.

5. Loving. This type of people cannot devote themselves to one partner / partner, they constantly "spray" their charm on others. For example, if a woman is married to such a man, he will constantly at least be friends with some other women or maintain relationships with ex. If his wife forbids, he will do it secretly, in correspondence, while she is on a business trip, etc. To legalize his need, a man can convince his passion that the other woman is just a friend and they need to be friends. He will be extremely attracted to the fantasy pictures of the Swedish family. Neither the wives of the brother / the husbands of the sister, etc. will be deprived of attention.

6. Companion. This type of avoidant partner will engage in short-term, superficial relationships or even be limited to intercourse with prostitutes.

7. Outgoing in English. This type can develop romantic relationships at a fairly deep level, but at some point he will be covered with anxiety due to depreciation, fear of abandonment, dependence, and he will completely unexpectedly break off the relationship.

For example, a woman will think that a man is in love with her without memory, because all this time he has been beautifully courting, talking about love, but one day he will simply disappear without explanation, because explaining things is very painful for him. Such people prefer to leave first, so as not to leave them.

8. Distant. Such a person will avoid prolonged physical contact, long foreplay, kissing, declarations of love. Sex with him can be partially in clothes or in the dark, he will avoid hugs, to the extent that he chooses to sleep in another room.

9. Indifferent. A person with this style of avoidance chooses to build relationships with unloved partners who, if they leave him, will not be so painful.

As a rule, such people are vulnerable and cannot fully believe that someone can really love them, and if they do, they will certainly leave them.

Dear readers, thank you for your attention to my articles! I would be glad to receive your feedback and additions!