2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In my practice, I often meet clients who unconsciously avoid or do not take responsibility for their words, actions and feelings, which leads or led them to a certain result. Responsibility means the authorship of your I and your life, troubles, feelings, as well as suffering.
Paranoid clients in obvious ways shift responsibility to others or to external forces, explaining their failures, life difficulties, or relationship problems with external influences.
Some individuals (usually belonging to the category of hysterical personalities) tend to avoid responsibility, who deny responsibility by feeling themselves an innocent victim of events that they themselves (unwillingly) initiated.
We, I and each person, are completely responsible for our life, events in it, and not only for our actions, but also for our inability to act. Everyone, having made choices in the past and choosing, receives the result and existence in the form of what he is now.
As long as a person believes that his situation has arisen through the fault of someone else or is provoked by external forces and events, changes do not occur, because what is the point of striving for changes in himself, if it’s not me.
For example: “it happened”, “it was such a busy day”, “I don’t know why it happened”, “there was nothing interesting today”, “our relationship is not developing”, “he did not do it the way I want”.
Taking responsibility is realizing (if necessary, with the help of a therapist) your ways of avoiding responsibility, trying to constantly return yourself from helplessness to unwillingness, and then taking responsibility for every thought, word, action and feeling.
Instead of "it happened" - "I did it"
admit that I am a direct participant in the events. Asking yourself the question - why did I do it and get such a result? what did I not do from what was needed or what I wanted? - if I find the answer, I act.
"It was such a busy day" - "I was busy all the time."
Realize what I was doing that day and I planned it myself so that there was no free time. And next time, based on this, if necessary, schedule your day with the possibility of rest and leisure.
“I don’t know why it happened” - “I did this and that in order to get such a result” - to realize my actions and inaction in this or that situation, which depended on me and why did I do this or vice versa? And relying on the answers to act consciously.
“There was nothing interesting today” - “I didn’t do anything interesting for myself” - to answer the questions: what do I want to do today to make it happy? I got the answer, to act - for example, go to a massage, yoga, or a movie.
"Our relationship is not developing" - "I do nothing for my relationship and do not develop it." Asking questions: What would you like in a relationship? What can I do for them today? - Having received answers, I act - for example, I cook a delicious dinner, a surprise, I say important and pleasant words.
"He did not do it the way I want" - "I do something in this way or I do not, and I speak about my need in such a way that I do not get feedback and satisfaction of my need"
To realize how I personally act and do in relation to a person, what I say and in what way do I express my thoughts and desires? How do I influence the relationship?
These are not universal rules, but an example of the right questions and answers to yourself may help you explore yourself. To desire, to make decisions, to choose one way or another means to be responsible for the result and for your feelings about it - these are the constituent elements of creating yourself and your life.
Recommended:
About Norm And Pathology, Acceptance And Denial
I think many adults remember the cartoon about the kid who could count to 10? My personal projection on this matter is that the author wanted to show how most of us react to new, incomprehensible information, without even trying to figure out whether it is good or bad, it is necessary - unnecessary, will help-complicate, and what "
Sex Avoidance
Avoidance - this is a style of human behavior formed from childhood as a way to get away from excessive control or to minimize its influence on oneself. Avoidance is also used when a person does not know how best to act differently in a given situation.
Vulnerability And Responsibility Part 2 (connection Between Sacrifice, Dependence And Lack Of Responsibility)
In the previous part, we briefly looked at how lack of responsibility and decision-making skills are correlated with mental retardation. That women, due to social upbringing, have more problems with these skills than men. Therefore, therapy in men is more often faster and easier.
ABOUT DENIAL AND HUMOR THAT KILLS
One of the private and inherent in almost all of us ways to cope with adversity is to refuse to accept their existence. The first reaction of a person who was informed about the sudden death of a loved one: “No!”. This reaction is an echo of an archaic process that originates in childhood egocentrism, when cognition is guided by a pre-logical conviction:
Denial Of Sex. Why And How To Survive?
Sex is one of the most important aspects of an adult's life. Everyone's needs for him are very individual, this also applies to the moment of choosing a partner or a partner for this. By and large, sex is an integral part of relationships, but it also happens that some people practice it just like that, which is called for health.