Avoidance And Denial Of Responsibility

Video: Avoidance And Denial Of Responsibility

Video: Avoidance And Denial Of Responsibility
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Avoidance And Denial Of Responsibility
Avoidance And Denial Of Responsibility
Anonim

In my practice, I often meet clients who unconsciously avoid or do not take responsibility for their words, actions and feelings, which leads or led them to a certain result. Responsibility means the authorship of your I and your life, troubles, feelings, as well as suffering.

Paranoid clients in obvious ways shift responsibility to others or to external forces, explaining their failures, life difficulties, or relationship problems with external influences.

Some individuals (usually belonging to the category of hysterical personalities) tend to avoid responsibility, who deny responsibility by feeling themselves an innocent victim of events that they themselves (unwillingly) initiated.

We, I and each person, are completely responsible for our life, events in it, and not only for our actions, but also for our inability to act. Everyone, having made choices in the past and choosing, receives the result and existence in the form of what he is now.

As long as a person believes that his situation has arisen through the fault of someone else or is provoked by external forces and events, changes do not occur, because what is the point of striving for changes in himself, if it’s not me.

For example: “it happened”, “it was such a busy day”, “I don’t know why it happened”, “there was nothing interesting today”, “our relationship is not developing”, “he did not do it the way I want”.

Taking responsibility is realizing (if necessary, with the help of a therapist) your ways of avoiding responsibility, trying to constantly return yourself from helplessness to unwillingness, and then taking responsibility for every thought, word, action and feeling.

Instead of "it happened" - "I did it"

admit that I am a direct participant in the events. Asking yourself the question - why did I do it and get such a result? what did I not do from what was needed or what I wanted? - if I find the answer, I act.

"It was such a busy day" - "I was busy all the time."

Realize what I was doing that day and I planned it myself so that there was no free time. And next time, based on this, if necessary, schedule your day with the possibility of rest and leisure.

“I don’t know why it happened” - “I did this and that in order to get such a result” - to realize my actions and inaction in this or that situation, which depended on me and why did I do this or vice versa? And relying on the answers to act consciously.

“There was nothing interesting today” - “I didn’t do anything interesting for myself” - to answer the questions: what do I want to do today to make it happy? I got the answer, to act - for example, go to a massage, yoga, or a movie.

"Our relationship is not developing" - "I do nothing for my relationship and do not develop it." Asking questions: What would you like in a relationship? What can I do for them today? - Having received answers, I act - for example, I cook a delicious dinner, a surprise, I say important and pleasant words.

"He did not do it the way I want" - "I do something in this way or I do not, and I speak about my need in such a way that I do not get feedback and satisfaction of my need"

To realize how I personally act and do in relation to a person, what I say and in what way do I express my thoughts and desires? How do I influence the relationship?

These are not universal rules, but an example of the right questions and answers to yourself may help you explore yourself. To desire, to make decisions, to choose one way or another means to be responsible for the result and for your feelings about it - these are the constituent elements of creating yourself and your life.

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