2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the frequent consultations of married couples is insufficient or lack of sexual attraction to their partner. "We love each other, we are doing well, but we don't want sex and this is a little alarming." "My wife doesn't turn me on. I don't want her anymore" or "I don't want sex with my husband." Such complaints are also heard at individual receptions.
Desire can fade away in both at the same time, or interest disappears in only one partner. This situation creates discomfort and tension, anxiety for your sexual health, anxiety: "Is everything okay with me?" It happens, against the background of a lack of interest in your soul mate, there is a strong desire for someone else. The question arises: "What's wrong? After all, everything is fine with us, there is love and affection? Where did the attraction go?"
Men and women are equally affected by this. This complaint is not necessarily related to an inability to have an orgasm. Even if it arises during bodily stimulation, it is not enough to want the whole process. Naturally, as a result of insufficient attraction, it is more difficult to achieve relaxation, but in this case everything starts much earlier: there is no desire to receive it.
Let's consider some reasons why this happens:
1. Are you very close to each other? Both physically and psychologically. You work and spend all weekends and vacations together. You are practically telepathic and know every thought of your loved one. You are very comfortable and calm together. You live in perfect harmony and, in principle, are happy with everything, but only the lack of sex worries more and more.
For sexual desire to be born, you need two people and the distance between them, which you will want to passionately shorten and bring together bodies. If you are already merged and represent "one whole", then there is nowhere else to approach.
It will be useful if everyone has their own personal space and hobbies. Of course, this is a risk, for a while, to lose the other from sight. The realization that the other is not my property and does not belong to me generates anxiety, jealousy and other not very pleasant experiences. But all this is compensated by joy and excitement from the anticipation of the meeting, the desire to seduce and get this person for yourself!
2. You are resentful and lack of attraction is a bodily demonstration that you want to keep your partner at a distance. Or vice versa: you have a lot of guilt and latent anger that your partner is offended by you. Each, remaining inside with his own, increasingly moves away and withdraws into himself. There is no time for sex at all, because this is an approximation.
Perhaps it is customary in your couple to refrain from sorting out the relationship and more silent about problems that may have nothing to do with sex. If you don’t have a way to express your feelings in words or you simply don’t know how, the body takes over the fulfillment of this mission. Try to find out what is your grudge against your partner? What do you want to tell him with your rejection? And if you manage to clothe it in the text, then the sexual attraction will cease to be a hostage and will certainly manifest itself, joyfully rushing to freedom!
3. Maybe you have different ideas about sex and sexual scenarios and you are ashamed to talk about it? And they were already desperate to wait that he would guess himself. In this case, disappointment accumulates, and the interest in engaging in intimacy fades more and more. Do you have the opportunity to ask your partner for the pleasure or caresses you dream about? On the other hand, do you know yourself and your body well enough to talk about your needs? (more on this in the next paragraph)
Having a close and intimate conversation about your expectations can be very healing. Since the partner may simply not know what you need, but if you tell about it, he will be ready to meet your needs.
4. Can you, in principle, be attracted, want sex? If from childhood, everything related to the sexual needs of the body, flirting and seduction for the purpose of obtaining pleasure, was accompanied by strong condemnation, then shame has become your second self. You are ashamed not only to talk about it with your partner, you are ashamed to admit such desires and intentions in yourself. And this applies not only to women. Men have their own prescriptions and limitations, which often prevent them from experiencing the full range of pleasure from having sex with a woman.
Let yourself explore your sexuality! What turns you on, what your body likes, how long and how much you need to do this or that action. What do you know about your partner's body and tastes? Give yourself the right to go to this wonderful world of bodily sensations and free interaction with others!
5. Sex is boring. Maybe it's time for creativity and experimentation? Yes, both of you don't know what to do, and you may be feeling confused and awkward. The main thing is not to stop there. Let your curiosity drive your search. Turn to your fantasy and give yourself the opportunity and the right to expand the boundaries of your experience. You don't have to come up with something stunning, just do something differently. Add a little more spontaneity and excitement. Games, dressing up, sexy paraphernalia - look for your own, that which includes your desire! And after discussing your discovery with a partner - implement it! Enjoy not only sex, but also co-creation!
6. You are unhappy with your life, but blame your partner, thinking that if you do not want him, then something is wrong with him. If this point responds to you, then try to stop looking for a problem where it does not exist. You can make demands on your partner to make him look better, become more sexual, proactive and relaxed, but this will not help. Perhaps the time has come to take a new step in your own development. Take responsibility for your life and, having carried out a revision of what is currently good and what is not, start moving towards the implementation of your life strategy. And then I was surprised to find that my partner became somehow more attractive!
7. Or maybe in this period of your life you are more interested in other things, and you want to direct your energy there? Wonderful! Ideally, it matches the rhythm of the partner and manages to maintain emotional closeness and tenderness. Then don't worry! Sexual attraction has periods of activity and decline and for each couple the norm is different. Enjoy and enjoy the realization of your interests and hobbies, using all the opportunities that life provides!
Difficulties that arise in the sexual sphere are not always rooted in it. Very often it can be difficulties in relationships, personal and age crises, dissatisfaction with life or dissatisfaction with oneself. But it would be good to solve problems in the place where they appear. And it will be effective. And sex is for pleasure and intimacy!
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