2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Separation is a process of psychological formation of a personality, awareness of one's independence, distinguishing oneself from others, assuming responsibility for everything that I think, feel and do.
The separation process slows down if a meeting with reality turns out to be such an intense blow to the psyche that the psyche cannot cope and develops all sorts of different defenses, thereby not only saving itself from shock, but also hiding many nuances of reality from perception.
All of this is exacerbated when, as a child, a child experienced violence from adults. That is, the very encounter with reality and the exposure of children's idealizations are developmental traumas. And then there are the traumas of violence.
The child interprets everything simply: white and black, good and bad, and if personality development (separation process) for some reason is delayed (and he usually delayed if there is little security), then the perception remains black and white. And with such a structure of the psyche, a person undergoes separation through the following stages:
1. I'm bad. I owe everyone.
2. They are bad. They all owe me.
3. Nobody is bad and nobody is good. I am as I am, the world is as it is, in some we agree, in some we do not.
To pass from the first to the third, you need to allow the frustration arising from disappointments to make a transformation: through resentment, anger and despair, come to peace and a clear perception of reality.
If a person gets stuck at the stage of blaming himself or others, he can sit there for a very long time, at least all his life. You can only move away from it by starting to deal with responsibility: where is my responsibility, and where is not mine.
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